


Days of Our Lives (Start)

by Lee_Totema



Category: Dragon Age, Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Diary/Journal, F/M, POV First Person, Self-Insert
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-17
Updated: 2018-07-05
Packaged: 2019-05-24 16:34:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 36,935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14958164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lee_Totema/pseuds/Lee_Totema
Summary: I was driving home, got into a car crash, where a spirit transported me to the Dragon Age world. I want to go home to my husband and kids but I have no idea how. The only real lead I have is that I dream in the fade, there's a spirit protecting me called Halo, and that I might be able to go home if I wait long enough. There's that and then there's also the fact that I am the bodyguard of the Human Noble Origin...and apparently there are more than one Warden. Well, here's to not dying. Self Insert. Multiple Origins. Rated T for mild swearing and adult themes.





	1. Chapter 1

Day Unknown

Many things have happened. Many incredible, unbelievable, unfathomable things have happened. Really it's hard to absorb everything thus far but…well…Let's start at the beginning shall we?

It was a normal day at work. I got out, walked to my car, and started to drive. It was my Friday so I could go home and relax! I was driving down like normal. Nothing seemed remotely different from anything else I did. As I continued down my lane, bam! Eighteen wheeler hit my van. I felt the most agonizing pain. My body burned. Even worse than childbirth and I went through that twice.

Then I started thinking that this was the end. This is how I was going to die. Hit by a person who didn't think to follow the safety rules of the road; dying in a splatter inside of my van or my body horribly contorting as all my bones and muscles are broken and torn. This was my end. I thought about my kids, they were so young. My daughter wasn't even two yet.

Then I realized that I was still thinking. Was this the afterlife? Was I going to be this soul living in pure darkness with only regrets plaguing my mind until I devolve or get completely destroyed?

I felt a floating sensation of some kind like the warmth of a mother that's carrying you to the bedroom. Then the sensation was gone and I felt something hard underneath me. Breathe entered my lungs and the pain was gone. I gathered up my courage and opened my eyes.

This place was familiar to me and yet at the same time it was the oddest thing I have ever seen. Huge islands were floating in the sky that was painted misty green. Everything seemed to look fuzzy to me as if I couldn't focus on anything. I was lying on the ground, unsure if this was the afterlife or maybe even purgatory.

I sat up. My surroundings were as alien to me as the sky was. I was in a vast valley with mountains towering over the horizon. I grabbed at the earth beneath my hands and crumbled it. This felt like dirt, the soft malleable damp earth I was used to but something was wrong. None of this seemed right to me. I tried to get up but things started to spin and my eyes burned as I saw a blinding white light in front of me. Terror gripped my chest briefly before a feeling of love silenced the fear. The light dimmed and soon appeared as a halo.

I only had a second to be awed before I felt the earth beneath my feet give way again. I gasped in fright and reached for that beautiful light with all the strength I could muster, but it was for naught. I was falling from that strange place. I heard wind passing through and my back hit roughly against water. I gasped as I broke the surface and quickly calmed myself as to stay afloat but that panic was right behind my eyes.

I heard groaning sounds then I saw something a mile away. There was a ship, caught on fire with people screaming to get out. I couldn't believe what I was seeing but that flight or fight instinct kicked in and adrenaline started to pump in my veins. I couldn't stay there and the water was beginning to hurt my body with how cold it was. The questions would come later. I saw lights near me that wasn't the ship's flames and swam as hard as I could towards them.

There were others that were swimming with me, holding onto the wreckage or some product that was floating to help them along. I finally got close enough to where I saw piers and people helping survivors. The water smelled like sewage and felt greasy. I wanted to vomit but I swallowed it down. I had to concentrate on getting out.

"Here, grab onto this!" I heard a man shout as he tossed out a rope. I swam toward it and grabbed it. "Heave boys!" I felt my body being dragged across the water and up the pier. Two men grabbed at my shirt that was torn into shreds and pulled me onto the pier. I gasped as the sudden rush started to leave and my body creaking and shivering.

"Get them to the apocotharies or healers!" Another man shouted, donned in full chainmail. There was chaos all down the docks as people rushed to save those who needed help. I leaned over the pier and vomited into the water. My mind absorbed everything it was seeing. I tried to think that this was one of my wild dreams that I could never make sense of. The thing that clued me in that this was all real was my shivering body and a man that was leading me away from the wreckage. It was another one of those men with the chainmail.

He was huge but his face looked familiar. I tried to focus on his face with the low lights of the torches, and yes they used torches! Unfortunately, he passed me off to another woman that was nearby that took out a blanket and wrapped me in it.

"Here, try to dry yourself off with this. Nina, we need a fresh pair over here!" She shouted in a British accent. I looked all around and saw more survivors being shoved with dry cloths and blankets to ease off the cold, the fire of the ship slowly going down as it faced the cold sea floor. Another young woman that had pointy ears gave me some clothes.

"Change into these, we have partitions right behind you lest you get any stares from those sailor pigs." She scoffed and went on her way. I checked the clothes. They were rough with odd colors. I looked around. Everyone had these types or some armor on. It was a lot to take in at once. I went behind the partition. There were a few woman, some kids changing into dry clothes, all shivering. I took a small corner and looked at my torn clothes.

I still wore my chef's pants and my shirt was barely hanging onto me. Then I realized that I was still bleeding. I had numerous cuts all over my body. I made sure no one was looking right at me. They weren't. Most likely they were still worrying about the accident. I quickly took off my shirt and put what appeared to be a tunic on. I took off my pants but kept my underwear on. I had a gash on the side of my left thigh that seemed to stretch towards my hip.

I took what was left of my own clothes and ripped them to try to use them as make shift bandages. They stayed on while I put on the leggings. I stayed with my waterlogged tennis shoes and socks. I had very few things in my pockets. My wallet, a few piping tips, my notebook, pen, marker, and my phone that I had put in a plastic bag earlier because it got washed with sticky meringue earlier in my job. Thank God for Ziploc bags.

I made sure to put them in the pockets of my leggings and wrapped the blanket over me again. I felt a huge surge of fatigue as I got out from the partition where another pair of hands dragged me over to a man with a desk. He had bags under his eyes and a checklist in front of him.

"Give him your name and where you're from." The guard left me in the line toward the desk. I couldn't pay attention. I felt woozy, light headed, and I wanted to faint right then and there. Then I started to hear what these people were talking. Denerim. Amaranthine. Kirkwall. Antiva City. Starkhaven. Orlais. My eyes widened.

I couldn't trust what they were talking about where these people were from but then I looked around and started to make the connections. Rough linen clothing that resembled something from the Middle Ages, wooden ships, chainmail, torches, and not a single electric bulb anywhere. Even then I couldn't fathom or even begin to accept where I was until I reached the deck.

"Name?" He asked. I gaped, my mouth fluttering as I couldn't find my voice. "Take your time." He said patiently.

Should I give out my true name? It was exotic and I doubt people could even pronounce it so I chose something else.

"N…Nia." I said quietly. He wrote it down.

"Where are you from Ms. Nia?" He asked.

"Ah…where? Where…?" I looked down, wondering how I should answer.

"The ship was due to dock in Antiva City for wares from Denerim. I know it was a horrible accident but we need a list of those that boarded as we lost the original list before. We'll try to sort everything out later." He explained. I chose the safest bet considering the way I looked.

"Antiva City." I said quietly. He filled out some forms, put a stamp on something, and let me go. At this point my light headedness was becoming detrimental to my health. There was too much to absorb, too much information all at once, and I was sure that I lost too much blood.

My feet kept on moving from the docks to the inner city. This was Denerim. These crud encrusted streets, the stone pavements, the darkness from no lights, and the massive amount of stars in the sky was Denerim. I couldn't believe it. I didn't want to believe it. I wanted to think that this was one of my wild dreams, something that couldn't happen. I was going to wake up now. I was going to wake up in a hospital with machines all around me surrounded by the people I loved. Yes, that was what was going to happen.

Instead, I tripped on a lose rock and hit my head.

I don't know how long it was before I realized that I was on something hard with those rough blankets over me again. I heard faint whispers and my head was burning. My throat was dry and my lips were cracked. I opened my eyes just a smidge. I knew a ceiling when I saw one. There was a dance of fire and I felt its warmth. I think I saw a ray of sunshine as well. I heard some clinking next to me and turned my head. My eyes couldn't focus but at least my ears could work.

"Maker, this one sure is a fighter." I heard a tired voice say. I think he rubbed his face and sighed.

"So she's still alive?" I heard someone else ask.

"Barely. That wound on her leg is infected. You're lucky you found her when we did otherwise she wouldn't have lasted another day. You do have the payment for this I hope?" The older one said, raising my head up with a clay cup that had water in it. I drank greedily. I coughed slightly as I felt a cool and earthy smelling balm being put on my leg.

"I…well…" I heard feet shuffling. The other one sighed again.

"The last one died so I didn't charge you for it. Let's see if she can afford to live."

I blacked out again. My dreams, nightmares, and waking life seem to blend into a menagerie of frightening images and a misty green sky that I couldn't understand. When I woke up again I seemed to be in better health. My clothes were changed again and a surge of panic went through me before I realized that the other leggings were at the foot of my bed. I quickly gathered my things again.

I looked around and observed my surroundings. I was in a small room with various tables and alchemical instruments. The fire still raged and there was a small window where I saw that it was turning dusk. I took off the covers and my shoes were gone. I sighed before I tried to put my feet on the floor. I still wasn't one hundred percent yet. The door opened and in walked a middle aged man with a stern gaze and a small beard.

"You are awake." He said gruffly before going over to the table with various herbs I think.

"I…uh…um." I gulped.

"An acquaintance of mine brought you here. The shipwreck was a bad one. I'm surprised you still live. That infection ravaging through your body was a tough one. Here, drink this." He gave me a clay bowl that smelled of grass and honey. I made a face. "I saved your life. You might as well follow my orders."

I couldn't fight with that logic. I took a breath and took a big gulp of the mixture. Wait, should I really be accepting weird smelly things from strangers and drinking it? Too late. It was beyond disgusting. I coughed and gagged.

"Drink all of it. The Elfroot is fresh. Dried always tastes better." He explained. I grimaced again but did as he asked.

"Blegh." I stuck my tongue out and passed him the bowl. He gave me something to drink that tasted remotely like cider. It was enough to at least take that dreaded taste from my mouth away.

"And your name?" He asked, crossing his arms. I fidgeted with my hands.

"It's Nia." I said. That slight wooziness I had early seemed to ebb off and I felt like myself again.

"A survivor of the wreckage. You must have been near the explosion to have gotten so many injuries. Rest assured, you are perfectly healthy now." He said, gathering his ingredients.

"Um…I don't…understand? How did I-"

"I brought some coin but I'm not sure if this will…" A short odd looking man came into the room. He had dark red hair and a dark tan. When he saw me, he gave a huge smile. "You're alive! I can't believe it!" He ran over to me while I cowered on the cot.

"Don't spook the girl!" The older one said. The younger one backed off and gave me a sheepish smile. He had those pointed ears as well.

"Sorry, sorry! I just, wow! Looks like the Maker heard my prayers after all. Oh sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. You looked like you were near death! You're ok I take it?" He asked with a grin. I nodded.

"Now, about the payment." The gruff mas asked.

"Here. It was all I was able to scrounge up." The red haired guy gave the pouch to the other one and he slowly counted.

"Hmph, you're two sovereigns short." The gruff man asked.

"Two!? I thought we agreed-"

"That was if she died. She's in fine health now she can afford to pay." The gruff man looked toward me.

"She was caught in the blaze. Do you really think she has anything to her name?" I was starting to really like this red haired elf.

"Not my problem. You were the one trying to break down my door to save someone you should have left to die in the streets. Two sovereigns are needed to pay me back and I will be holding it to both of you." The gruff man left the room with the pouch and the red haired elf scoffed and shook his head.

"Forgive him. He usually doesn't do this anymore and his bed side manner is terrible. Oh! I haven't introduced myself have I? My name is Rael Tabris. That old grump you just saw is Thomas." Rael said. My mouth nearly dropped on the floor. The guy who saved me was one of the many origins you could have chosen.

"I'm Nia." I said quickly.

"Pleased to meet you. Not that pleasing anyway. I'm sorry that I caused your debt just as you lost everything but don't worry. Now that you're healed up, I'm sure we can find you a job easy. Well, easier since you're a human. Not that there's anything wrong with humans! Oh sorry, I'm rambling." He rubbed his head sheepishly. He reminded me of Merrill without the blood magic background. "I'm sure you were only here in Denerim for business and that you would like to go home soon. If you could really find a job and help me pay back Thomas, I would really appreciate it." He nodded.

"Um…I…" I looked at the ground.

"Oh that was rude wasn't it? It's not that I can't pay back what Thomas said it's just common sense right? Thomas said you're free to go but I might be able to convince him to let you stay, until you get back up on your feet of course." Rael explained quickly. I was growing panicky and I think he saw it. "Well, you better get some rest. I'll come by tomorrow in the morning!" He went out as well.

I sat back on the cot, trying to absorb everything that has happened. I remembered my accident, the water, the ship. Then I guess I was saved by Rael that found me after I passed out and now I'm saddled with debt the minute I was woke up by a grumpy healer.

It took all I had not to hit my head against the wall repeatedly to try to convince myself that this wasn't real.

Yet here I am writing with my pen as my marker died in the water in my dried out notebook that's all crinkled.

It's going to take all of me not to go insane.

Day 3?

Really the only things that I've been doing was helping scale out herbs for Thomas and have Rael come by to say hi. The room that was provided for me was small but the cot was extremely uncomfortable. I was sleeping on a wooden rack with a slightly puffed up blanket. My back was killing me.

Since I arrived I finally was able to really analyze the situation I was in. For some strange work of fate, I am now in my favorite video game; Dragon Age and as to why I was there? No clue.

"These are the wrong ones!" Thomas argued with an herb gatherer. The only thing I was able to do is sit around waiting for Rael to come and tell me about his day. At this point, I haven't even gone outside into the city properly. The date was still lost to me but the problem at this point wasn't that I couldn't communicate; it was that I couldn't read.

Dragon Age letters are weird, dwarven-like type letters. Big and blocky and are semi-familiar yet at the same time, completely unreadable. I have just become illiterate. As Thomas argued with the gatherer, Rael slipped in and went into my room.

"Morning Nia! How's your health today?" He asked.

"I'm fine." I shrugged. The events from the past days were still haunting me. It was going to take more time to get used to everything.

"Perfect. What do you say to a walk out in the city? You must be tired being all cooped up in this room. Not only that, we need to find you a job so you can help pay back Thomas with me!" Rael winked and laughed. I gave him a deadpanned look. "He saved your life you know?"

"I know…It's just…" I sighed. "I'm still getting used to all of this." I rubbed my face. Rael pulled up a chair next to my cot.

"Ok I understand that. You lost everything and your way home but you can't stay here and not do anything either. As much as I hate it, this world revolves around coin and trust me when I say Thomas will kick you out unless you start paying him back. Now, what did you do before you got caught in that shipwreck?" Rael asked. His eyes bored into me. He was serious in helping me and I would be stupid not to take that offer.

"I was a cook, mostly pastry but I'm good with everything." I explained. Rael rubbed his chin and looked thoughtful. He snapped his fingers.

"I know just where to go! Come on." Rael grabbed my wrist and we went out the back door. I was finally out of that house and we walked through the alleyways. They were tightly packed but I saw a few roads leading to spacious centers. Rael let go of my wrist and I followed him closely. There were many people out and about surprisingly. There were always reports of Denerim alleys being full of thugs.

"Ok I'm only going to ask because I'm confused but where are we going?" I asked, almost tripping in a pot hole.

"I've always done odd jobs here and there throughout the city so I'm always seeing what's different and changed. There was a bakery that lost one of its hires because she gave birth. I know the store owner so, as long as you have experience, you'll be hired." Rael nodded and gave me a thumbs up. I gave him a deadpanned look.

"I really hope you know what you're doing." I sighed.

"Well you're not supposed to trust strangers and I'm not supposed to trust humans but the world isn't so black and white." Rael chuckled. After many twists and turns, I ended up in a street near the marketplace. Rael gave me a confident smile and went inside. I followed quickly after and I heard a bell ring when I opened the door. I was hit with warmth and the familiar scent of sweets and flour in the air. It smelled like home.

There were various racks with different types of bread. Baguettes, rolls, some with anise, some that were baked as different figures. Loaves were all over the place, different colors, smells, and that was not even getting to the rack with the sweet bread. I was in awe that something like this existed in Denerim. Of course bakeries were everywhere even since the middle ages back home but to see it in person was amazing. There was a woman cleaning the counter, a big set woman with her auburn hair in a tight bun.

"Ah Rael, came to try to steal some bread again with your fancy smile?" She laughed. Rael chuckled and shook his head.

"Actually I'm here to see if you still needed help." Rael walked behind me and put his hands on my shoulders, pushing me to the front. "She's young, fit, and pretty to bring in the customers!" She gave me a calculating stare.

"Hmm, does she know her way around a kitchen?" She frowned at me.

"I've had experience working." I nodded. "I swear I will work hard!" I bowed really low.

"Hmph, we'll see about that. Get back in there girl and we'll get you started. My name is Gretchen or, in your case, ma'am." Gretchen said. Rael slapped me on the back.

"Just do what you normally do. I'm going to work at the port and come to pick you up! Good luck!" Rael smiled at me really big before leaving. I swear he lives at his own pace but it was good to have him around. When I followed Gretchen back into the kitchen, it was amazing. They had a rotating deck oven! Racks were everywhere and there were tons of bowls containing dough. The bags of flour and sugar were all strewn about and there was another man sweeping up the remnants of the day.

"We baked off our pars for the day and the dough is resting for tomorrow. Do you know how to make Orlesian Eclairs?" Gretchen asked.

"I've made them from time to time." I nodded hesitantly. Gretchen gave me a recipe and we went over to the stove. The man threw in some wood to get it going. It reminded me of what my grandmother had a long time ago.

The day was passed with me mostly making back up of some of the sweet cakes they were selling. The other man was called Dirk. We passed the time with mostly Gretchen showing me everything in the kitchen, the orders we get in the morning, her recipe book, as well as the storage they had in there. After she showed me everything, she gave me a handful of bread and led me out. Gretchen gave me a hard stare before patting me on the shoulder.

"Keep up the pace that you showed today from now on. Here, something for the work you gave today. Come in a few hours before dawn and I'll show you more." Gretchen smirked. I felt that ball of pride within me and I nodded vigorously, making sure the pouch I had in my hand didn't fall with my bread. Gretchen and Dirk went their separate ways while I stayed behind near the bakery.

I saw the position of the sun and realized it was getting close to late afternoon and I've been here since morning. I shuffled my feet and moved the bread to a more comfortable position. I had no way of knowing when Rael would be coming for me. I wouldn't even take my chance trying to find my way back to the clinic.

I looked into the pouch that Gretchen gave me. There were three silvers inside. If that was for one day of work, I'm going to be in Denerim for a very long time. About nine months give or take and that's if I give up all the silvers I get to Thomas. The work wouldn't be too hard since it was something I was used to doing though the revolving deck oven and the stove powered by wood burning would take some time getting used to.

And once I pay off Thomas then what? I have no way of getting back home. There are ways of getting into the fade but physically? That's practically impossible! It took thousands of sacrificed people to even open a rift to allow the magisters to go in the first place. Then of course there was the Herald but I didn't know how long I would have to wait for that. I didn't know if I could even survive up to that point. I wasn't a fighter and the only reason why I was so good with knives was because of my job. Even then I almost cut off a finger twice and a knuckle once.

Exactly what can I do? And how would I go home? I couldn't stay away forever. I had to get back as soon as possible and get to my kids and my husband. It would be difficult without my paycheck. Yet nothing was coming to mind on how I would be able to begin to go home. This was going to be very difficult and the more I thought about it, the more overwhelmed I started to feel.

"Nia are you ok?" Rael panted. Sweat dripped from his brow and his cheeks were flushed. I nodded and he put his hands on his knees and took a deep breath. "I'm sorry I was late. Ever since that fire, work has been hounding me to get it clean." He chuckled and coughed at the same time.

"Did you run all the way here from the port?" I asked. He stood up and leaned against the wall next to me.

"Yeah I did! I couldn't leave you alone since you don't know your way back, just give me a second to catch my breath." Rael laughed. I chuckled and he gave me a gaping look. "You laughed! Ha!"

"I couldn't help it." I chuckled. "You look a little silly right now." Rael gave me a toothy grin and put his arm around me.

"Oh! Is that bread for me?!" Rael sniffed at it.

"You do know you're wiping your musky scent and sweat on me right now right?" I gave him an annoyed glance. Rael laughed and took away his arm. I gave him a loaf and he started to eat it.

"I'm going to need to come here in the early morning so I was wondering if you could give me markers on how we got here in the first place." I asked as I tried to remember the way back.

"You're going to come here around dark? That's dangerous you know?" Rael stated.

"I know." I sighed. "But Gretchen told me I had to wake up early to get the bread ready. I already have this job. I have to do everything I can to keep it." I adjusted the bread again. Rael seemed deep in thought.

"I might be able to stay over then if I give Thomas my pay for today so I can at least walk with you. I don't want you getting hurt of course." Rael laughed. I stopped in my tracks and he noticed.

"I don't get it. Why are you doing all of this for me? You don't even know me and, not only that, you're an elf. Aren't you supposed to hate me? What do you get out of this?" I bit my lip and shuffled my feet, holding to my bread tightly. It wasn't that I didn't trust him but good people like this didn't really exist anywhere. Even more since he's an elf and he's supposed to hate humans. Rael gave me a sad smile and looked down.

"I know how it feels to have nothing to your name and nothing to gain. I live in the slums, that's where elves are supposed to be. The Alienage is nothing but a soul sucking place with shacks so tightly built together that you can hear a person sneeze from the third floor. The chill moves in so quickly that we have people dying of pneumonia constantly in the winter time and there is no hope anywhere. The nobles push us around and kidnap our woman to have their way with them because they can." Rael explained, leaning against a stone wall. He always looked so peppy, full of smiles but now I see the lines on his face and that light in his eyes were gone.

"You have every right to hate me." I said quietly.

"I do. I really do. Humans have done nothing for elves except march against us and force us into Alienages…but I don't. My mother taught me that there is a cycle of hatred that is always turning. Humans hate elves and then elves hate humans. Then my people try to rise up, the humans slaughter them, causing more hate which we then teach our kids. Then they grow up and rise again and then get slaughtered again. No matter what we're getting killed like dogs which is why we need to find another solution. Everyone sees me as a traitor because I try to get friendly with humans but we have no other choice. This is the only way we can survive." Rael rubbed his face.

"So where does that bring me into the equation?" I asked. Rael chuckled tiredly.

"Well, we all have to start somewhere right? Truth is I was heading toward the dock to…to end it all. I lost my mother, more of my friends died in a stupid rebellion, and it seemed that nothing I did made any difference. Then I saw the ship caught fire and I started to help anyone I could see. At that point it didn't matter if I was an elf, people were dying and they needed me. Then I saw you collapsed in an alley and…for once I found a reason to not throw myself in the ocean." Rael confessed. It made me want to pat his head or hug him but I decided not to. "So I'm barely hanging on to just one reason to keep on living. That's the truth as to why I'm doing all of this. Sorry." Rael chuckled weakly.

"I do owe you my life so if you want to use that as a reason to keep on living then you can. That's fine with me." I nodded. Rael chuckled.

"Well, now that the depressing heart-to-heart chat is over, time to head on to Thomas'. With the bread you got, we'll have a decent dinner this time!" Rael pumped his fist and we both started to walk. I sympathized with him and his situation as best as I could. As of now the reality of my situation hasn't hit me but from what he explained I remembered that this world was not nice and good was hard to come by. I hoped that I would be able to find a way home soon.

Day 8

I was able to buy a decent sized journal with the money I got from Gretchen. The hours weren't different from back home and, although the work was heavier, I was able to keep up my pace. Gretchen really liked the fact that I was eager to learn and quick to pick up on things. Dirk was mostly silent but his stature was able to scare the thieves that tried to steal some bread from us. Rael accompanied me at night to make sure I got to the bakery safe. Thomas wasn't all too keen to have an elf sleeping over but he minded it if only because Rael gave him a pouch of money.

After Rael's explanation, I've been making sure to talk to him about anything and everything to keep his mind off his situation. Since he opened up with me, I decided to open up myself as well. I started to talk to him about my children, about my husband. I tweaked my home slightly to fit my story as well. He listened aptly and didn't ask too many questions that would give me away.

On one of my days off, Rael caught me writing in my journal and looked at my writing. He made a confused look but let me write nonetheless. All he did was watch over my shoulder as I wrote in my journal at the table. Then I got tired of his curious glances and sighed, letting my charcoal that I got from my work, drop.

"Yes Rael? If you have a question, you know you can ask." I said.

"Your letters are so weird. Who taught you how to write?" He asked as he grabbed my journal. "I can barely make out some of your words. You have horrible handwriting." I pouted and quickly snatched my journal from his hands.

"At least I can read it…" I mumbled defiantly. Rael chuckled and took my journal back and wrote in it.

"See? This is how you need to write." Rael stated while giving me back my journal. I couldn't read what he wrote. I bit the inside of my cheek and my brow furrowed. "You can't read that, can you?" Rael asked, sitting down at the table. I did a quick glance up and then looked down. I frowned and shook my head.

"No. I can't read." I mumbled, my cheeks getting red from embarrassment and shame.

"No wonder your penmanship is atrocious. Fine! I'll add that to my list! I'll teach you." Rael chuckled and patted my head. My cheeks burned but being around Rael felt nice.

"Thank you." I said sincerely.

"Ok but first these are the letters and of course the numbers." Rael started to explain while scribbling all over my journal.

"Can't you at least find some parchment or a vellum and not on my journal!" I snatched my journal back again. Rael chuckled and pinched my cheek.

"Oh come on it's just a journal, why are you being so protective over it?" Rael hummed, putting his chin in his hand and leaning against the table.

"It helps me deal with things and it's private." I explained while hugging the journal close to my chest. Rael laughed.

"So secretive." Rael poked my cheek. I stuck my tongue at him.

August 18th 9:27

I finally got the date! And I'm surprised to know that I am three years before the fifth blight. I didn't think something like this would even happen. It's always the same thing, person would get to the fifth blight as it's starting and automatically become a Grey Warden and boom, save the world. Here I am with no experience in fighting, a cook, and smack dab in Denerim. Still, I have a roof over my head, food, and a steady income so I'm grateful.

It's been eleven days since I came and things have gotten into a set regime. I would get up early and go off to Gretchen's Bakery. I have the way memorized now but Rael was insistent in taking me every night. As he taught me the alphabet, he was also teaching me several easy defense tricks. 'Just in case,' he said.

He started talking about his mother too. Rael told me that it was she that taught him to fight and use daggers. She even taught him how to pick locks. Rael gave me a small knife to carry everywhere in case I needed it. Although I knew my way with a knife, I didn't know how to fight with it. We practice after he teaches me how to read and write.

Thomas didn't like the fact that Rael was staying with us but we both paid him every day so he begrudgingly accepted it. He often warned Rael not to have the guards catch him. Elves weren't allowed to live outside of the alienage and Rael has been with me for nearly two weeks. Thomas was a grumpy old man but he did give respect where respect was due. He apparently was Rael's mother's friend and that's why he accepts Rael.

"You really are a fast learner." Rael said, looking over my penmanship on some spare vellum. I felt a bit a pride swell and smile.

"Thanks." I giggled.

"A few of your letters suck though." Rael said bluntly. I rolled my eyes.

"I'm trying at least." I sighed.

August 27th 9:27

"No like this. First if someone is trying to stab you, you block the hand that holds the weapon and hit at their throat. Don't hit too hard or you might crush their windpipe and kill them. You only want them get stunned." Rael explained while showing me the moves. We were using a really stiff baguette as a knife while Thomas was weighing in some herbs. I was shaking slightly as he was showing me this and I had a stiff face.

"I'm not sure if I should-" I started.

"You need to learn how to defend yourself Nia. I won't always be there to protect you. Now come on and don't hesitate." Rael said, coming at me slowly with the baguette in hand. I whimpered slightly. I have never gotten into a fight since elementary school and that was only consisted of slapping. He moved slowly and I did how he asked besides hitting him in the throat. "You need to block harder. That wimpy block will only have him slash you and not stab you. Come on, like you mean it!"

"I can't! I have never fought before!" I whined.

"Stop being so cowardly and grow some balls!" Rael shouted at me.

"But-" I moaned like a child. He hit me on the head with the baguette. "Ow!"

"Alright, we can still do this but we need to think about it in a different matter. Think about this; I'm a home invader and your children are right behind you. Are you going to stand and fight or run while your kids die behind you?" Rael asked seriously. I clenched my teeth and felt the rage rise inside. "There we go, that's the face I wanted to see! Now, I'm coming at you so be ready!" He came at me faster but I focused on the situation he explained. I blocked the hand with the fake baguette knife and punched his throat. He came out coughing and my guilt immediately replaced the rage.

"Oh my God, I am so sorry!" I cried out, helping him to a chair. Thomas laughed at his desk.

"About time you hit him! I've been waiting for that all week!" Thomas cackled and slapped his desk. I frowned at him while Rael cleared his throat.

"Good." Rael squeaked out and I gave him something to drink. "That's how you need to fight. I'll teach you more later but for now we might as well get some sleep. Also, try to invest in some warmer clothing. Ferelden tends to get colder once we start getting closer to Harvestmere." Rael laughed. "You got me good but remember that's as strong as your punch needs to go. Anymore and you might accidentally kill someone. You don't want that on your conscious right?" I shook my head furiously. Rael nodded. "Good girl."

"Thank you again Rael, for doing all of this for me." I said sincerely, fidgeting with my shirt. Rael gave me his toothy grin.

"Of course."

9:27 Kingsway/September 7th

It has been a full month since I've been in Denerim. Rael doesn't stay with us anymore since he feels that I was able to handle myself for the most part. It was lonely not being able to see him in the mornings. My little corner now has a small drawer for my clothes and a small tub for when I needed a bath. I have been taking care of Thomas' home by cleaning and organizing when I could. I was able to read for the most part but my penmanship still needed work. I've switched to those letters for my journal as well. I've taken over cooking, cleaning, and laundry for Thomas. He's very grateful for it as his back was starting to suffer. Thomas was 54 years old and pains sometimes wracked his body.

I liked doing these things. It made me feel less of a burden. Thomas did snap and told me that just because I was doing this didn't mean that he was going to lower my debt. Either way, I hated feeling useless at home.

Home, now that was a word I barely used. My phone was tucked away in a secret corner of my drawer. It didn't turn on, not like I expected it to though. Whether it worked or not was a mystery. The memories of my children and my husband rang very clearly though. How were they? Were the kids behaving? Did my husband miss me? How's their finances? What about my mom, my brother, my dad? I couldn't know and I didn't have any way of knowing how they were.

I kept thinking that I was stuck in here and truthfully the only one who might have the answers is in a shack in the Korcari Wilds. There was no way I could even make a trek by myself. I was hesitant in venturing and exploring the city let alone the wilds outside. There were so many questions I had and no answers.

Not only that, I started to have weird dream about that misty green place with the floating islands. They were only fleeting glimpses and faded memories but I remember being there for the past few nights. I wondered what it was. Either way my hands were full on trying to learn everything I could on how to read, write, and fight. I never knew my life would be playing out this way and the only reason why I haven't completely broken down yet was because of Rael and my journal.

But God Almighty, do I miss my family…

9:27 Kingsway/September 13th

"Wow…" I breathed out. The smell of rotten fish, sewage, and the musk of the workers permeated my nose but nothing could stop me from being awed by the size of the ships and the vast ocean in front of me. I coughed slightly from the smell but watched the ripples of the water as I stood near the pier. The sailors were all looking at me with curious glances but they weren't the ones I was looking for. I held on to the cloth that held the extra food that I made at Thomas' place.

"Nia! What are you doing here?" Rael asked as I spotted him moving cargo. His bandana was fitted tightly over his head with a few of his red locks peeking out. I see now why he has such a dark tan. Working out here underneath the sun would do that to you.

"Here. I made some extra food and since today was a rest day I thought about bringing it to you." I took the cloth that held the food in a small metal pot along with another cloth that held some dried fruit and bread. Rael's face grew red as a few of the other workers howled and whistled.

"That boy got whipped!"

"Oi does she have a sister!"

"Get a room!"

"Be quiet! We're not like that!" Rael shouted back but they all kept on shouting things. Rael growled in frustration and led me away to a quiet ally. Rael shuffled and rubbed the back of his head. "Thank you but try to be careful. Sailors that come back after a long trip with no women tend to get grabby."

"I'll just stab their hand or break a few fingers." I shrugged. Rael chuckled and took the food. He opened the pot and there was stew inside. We both sat on crates as he ate.

"It's good but you didn't have to give it to me you know?" Rael chuckled sheepishly.

"I noticed that you have sullen cheeks and a little on the skinny side so I wondered if I could get you to fill out by giving you some food." I fidgeted with my tunic. Rael patted me on the head.

"Thank you. Now that I noticed it, you're on the short side for a human." Rael laughed as I pinched his cheek. "No but really, thank you for this. I haven't had good food made for me like this for a while."

"Doesn't your family cook for you?" I wondered. Rael scratched at his nose and shrugged.

"It's only a few cousins and my dad now. We don't get any good food at my part of town either. We try to grow some herbs or potatoes but we go through those quickly. The thing about tight knit communities like mine? Everything is everyone's. Clothes quickly become hand-me-downs to other families, food is shared amongst everyone with the kids getting the better share, and anyone with spirits is quickly drained. The only thing we don't share is money. You need to be careful though because if you try to save money and they catch wind of it? You'll find a broken down door and everything gone." Rael scowled.

"Supposedly we should be helping one another out but every group has a rotten apple or, in my case, apples. There are some elves that all they do is try to mooch off the rest and even if you try to get them jobs, they won't because they are being taken care of by everyone. It makes the ones that actually try look bad. I love my family. My dad keeps working even though he's old and his knees hurt. My cousin Shianni, even with her loose mouth, works hard at being a seamstress. We try so hard but trying doesn't account for nothing if we're only stomped to the ground." Rael ripped the bread in half and bit into it angrily.

I sat there watching him eat silently and brought my hands together. There was nothing I could do. I had no seat of power to help the elves and it was true what he said. It would take a miracle to even get an elf into a normal life where he wouldn't be looked down by everyone. I looked at his ears, the lack of hair on his face, his cheekbones, those slanted and clear eyes. It was these differences that marked him as an elf and, according to this world's logic, lower than a human. It wasn't fair but there was nothing I could do.

"I wish I could help." I mumbled softly, looking down at my intertwined hands. Rael place his hand on top of mine and gave me a clear stare.

"You are helping, you're listening to me." Rael said softly. Then a passing sailor whistled where we were sitting and Rael stood up quickly. "I said shut it!" They went off laughing and there was redness on his cheeks. He groaned audibly and put the metal pot together and gave it to me.

"Thank you for this. I'll visit you later on ok? Also the next time you come, try not to look so pretty." Rael laughed before walking off back to carry cargo. I tilted my head and my eyebrow rose in confusion. I was not pretty and I didn't even do anything. All I had on were normal clothes and my hair was up in a tie. I shrugged and headed back to Thomas'.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nia and Rael grow closer. As the months go by, Nia's homesickness grows. In the end, she ends up with an opportunity with the Couslands

9:27 Kingsway/September 30th

I added more logs to the fire. Working in the bakery was warm even as the cold started to sweep through the city but Thomas' small workshop was as cold as outside. I pulled my cloak tighter and picked up the book that Rael recommended me to read to practice on. Rael has been coming by less and less after a guard took him aside and wondered why he was exploring the city and visiting us.

I didn't realize how quick I would get lonely without him. Rael really was like a breath of fresh air when he was around me. Listening to his stories and being around him distracted me from my situation. Without him I started to think and thinking was bad for me. I let out a breath and I was able to see it. Thomas told me that snow might start floating in. It was going to be an early winter.

Soon it was going to be Firstfall or November with my son turning two years old and my daughter turning one in the next month. I won't be there for either of their birthdays. I missed them so much. I miss my son's dimples when he smiles and the coos of my daughter. The tears welled up in my eyes and I couldn't focus on my book at all.

I missed them. God, I missed them all. I missed my kids, I missed my husband, I missed my life. I didn't want to be here. I wanted to go home. I wiped my tears and curled up in my cot, the warmth of the fireplace hitting my back. Thomas was gone to grab a few herbs. His normal supplier wasn't coming in besides with a few Elfroot since it's the only thing that grows with this cold weather. He was gone. I didn't want to be alone.

"Hey I haven't been in for a while! I had to take some of my old routes to get here so I can evade those damn guards and…why are you curled up on the cot?" Rael came in with his charm and I sat up quickly.

"It's nothing!" I sputtered, wiping my tears. Rael frowned and walked over. He sat on the cot next to me. I pulled on the blankets tighter and he patted me on the head again. Rael didn't say anything and I watched the fire burn while he slowly patted my head. I couldn't stop once my tears started. I whimpered and sniffled while big globs of tears fell from my eyes. I let out short gasps and wiped my nose on my blanket. I knew I would clean it later.

"You shouldn't try to hold things in. People tend to break that way." Rael mumbled softly. I nodded and wiped my tears.

"I miss my family…I want to go home." I whimpered.

"I know." Rael nodded and continued to pat my head as I sobbed into my blanket. "Try not to keep it in too long. I know how that feels…" Rael sighed. I nodded and wiped up as much as I could. Even then, there was a resounding hole that was filled with loneliness and homesickness.

9:27 Harvestmere/October 3rd

"Wow you got really good. You were able to read everything I gave you and then some. I'm proud of you." Rael chuckled and patted my head after reviewing my penmanship. I giggled in happiness. For once my writing was really good. It felt off to write in blocky letters but I was able to do it. My journal is now filled with entries that don't even look my normal handwriting back home. After the praise Rael began to criticize on a few things which I took with glee.

He bought me an inkstone, and ink well, and a quill. Little by little, Rael started to each me how to write with it and it's not as hard as I thought it would be. I had to be quick about it though. The ink would start dripping from the quill and start to smear the parchment. I really liked doing it though especially how amazing my letters would look. The charcoal that I would be writing with would smear so bad if I accidentally passed my hand through it. Once the ink dried it was fine.

"I want you to practice on all these sheets and if I find one ink spill, I'll have you practice your knife rounds again." Rael nodded.

"Yes Master Rael." I laughed.

"Hmph, at least you are becoming educated. Be grateful for that." Thomas said, weighing in his dried herbs.

"Where did you learn all of this? Did your mom teach you too?" I asked while practicing writing straight on the parchment. Rael sat down next to me instead of watching over my shoulder.

"Nope. She taught me all the practical fighting and lock picking but it was my dad that taught me how to read and write. He used to work with a noble since he was good with numbers and handle some of his personal letters. Of course one of the human staff got jealous and got him sacked but he managed to teach me everything he learned. Oh you were too soft with that down stroke. Once I learned how to read I tried to get my hand on anything I could. It's amazing what you can learn once you know what the letters mean." Rael sighed wistfully.

I looked at the pile of books that he gave me that was on top of my drawers. They were very well worn, a few pages were ripped, smudged, and the leather binding was starting to rip. I smiled softly. These books were very precious to him. Rael was a really nice person. He saved my life and was teaching me without anything in return. Even if I was his last reason to stay alive, I wished I could do something for him.

"Thank you Rael. I'm sorry I can't pay you back for everything you're teaching me." I said sincerely with a slightly ashamed face. Rael pinched my cheek.

"Don't go saying that. Besides, it's me who should be thanking you." Rael chuckled softly.

"Hmph. No heavy touching in my shop please." Thomas said gruffly. Rael and I both turned red and laughed.

"Sorry but human women aren't my thing." Rael confessed with a toothy grin.

"Yeah I have to say I don't like lanky men like you." I stuck my tongue out. Rael faux gasped.

"Oh that hurts inside here." Rael said dramatically, holding his chest.

"You are both fools." Thomas sighed and shook his head but he did smile at our antics.

9:27 Harvestmere/October 11th

It was an overcast day and the clouds were grey and full. The chill was biting as I brought my cloak closer around me and put my hood up. Another chill wind passed through the alley but the cloth in my hand was carrying more food. I stopped at the alley right before the docks. A few sailors passed by, busy with their wares and product. I sat on the crates and waited.

I put the food down and rubbed my hands together. When that didn't work, I put them under my armpits where it was warm. I never thought that I needed to bundle up. As much as it got cold where I lived, I never needed anything more than a sweater. Now I'm thinking I need to get a hat or a scarf if I can find it. If not, I'll have to make one for myself.

"I wonder if it's going to snow soon." I mumbled softly.

"It might actually." Rael came in through the alley and gave me a toothy grin. He took off the gloves he had on that had slight frost. I quickly gave him the cloth carrying the food and he gave a pleasurable sigh when he felt the warmth. Rael took off the special hat he wore for his ears and started to eat the soup I made. "The winters in Ferelden are harsh. You're probably not used to it. I hear that Antiva is a very warm place." He slurped with gusto. I gave a small smile and rubbed my hands.

"The summers were tough and hot. When it would rain then we would get the humidity. It was awful though the winters weren't that cold we still needed something but only a simple cloak. If it keeps getting colder, I might need mittens and a scarf." I joked.

"Try to get some yarn if you see some in the marketplace. I know where to get some that costs cheap!" Rael nodded, biting a piece of his bread. I nodded before I noticed little petals of snow started to fall down. I forgot about my cold hands and instead got up to try to catch the flakes.

"It's snowing!" I giggled and jumped in joy. "Wow! I haven't seen snow in years!"

"I haven't seen you really smile until now. It's good. You should smile more." Rael said sincerely. "Though I understand how you feel. There are times even when something you used to enjoy doesn't bring you any happiness anymore." I gave him a worried look and decided to pat him on the head like he does to me. He chuckled. "Sorry, I got depressed there for a second." I took my hand back and he started to put on his gear. "Don't get too excited. This won't stay for too long. It'll all melt by tomorrow. It still needs to get colder still for the snow to stay. Take care of yourself ok?"

"You do too. I'll see if I can buy some balm from Thomas to help with the cold." I offered. Rael looked taken aback.

"Really?" He laughed sheepishly. "Thanks! Well, time to get back to work. I'll catch up with your lessons tomorrow!" He jumped back into the fray. Rael is a hard worker. I can see why he could be a future grey warden. He would be good for it definitely.

After gathering everything that Rael left, I decided to take the scenic route to enjoy the falling snow flakes. I tried to catch a few but the wind would blow them everywhere but it was a nice game to enjoy. Until I was nearly at Thomas' shop when I felt someone knock into me. Then they pushed me against the wall with a knife right at my face.

"Now what's pretty young thing like you walking around all alone?" He slurred his words. He was unshaven and smelled like sewage. "Just hand over your coin and no one gets hurt, ya hear?" He chuckled darkly.

I froze. As much as I hate to say it, I did freeze. I got hit with a chilly wind that seemed to wrack his bones. He got distracted and the wind was able to make me focus. I struck the hand that held the knife with my elbow and hit his throat just like how Rael showed me. He coughed harshly while I ran for my life. The cobblestone was slippery but I was able to get to Thomas' shop. I slammed the door so hard I rattled the vases holding the product.

"Girl! Do not do that! If one of my pots breaks, I'm adding it to your debt!" Thomas shouted. I was shivering from adrenaline, fear, shock, and the chill.

"S-S-Sorry." I stuttered and made my way to my room. I sat down in front of the fireplace and wrapped my blanket around me. I calmed down my thumping heart while focusing on the fire. Once I calmed down, I started to sob. I had to vent my emotions somehow. I didn't have my husband to give me his hugs and I didn't have my kids to hold onto. I took deep breaths and wiped my tears away.

I spent my night practicing my writing with the quill well into the night.

9:27 Harvestmere/October 12th

I'm so glad today was a rest day because I had one of the weirdest dreams ever since I came back. At first I thought I was going to have a nightmare because of what happened yesterday but instead I had a dream of the place with the floating islands. I have come to believe that what I'm dreaming of is the fade. I already tried it too and no I can't command flame or even feel magical. I'm not a mage but I'm digressing.

I woke up on the ground, staring into a vast green sky. The floating islands were everywhere and things seemed to go in and out of focus. I sat up and analyzed my surroundings. It looked like the highway that was outside of the city I used to live in. There were cactus growing everywhere, dry trees, tumble weeds, bushes, dirt, and plenty of sand. It was so nostalgic that I felt I really was home. It didn't feel right though. It felt off. I sat there wondering why even though the landscape was perfect there was something really, really strange.

I realized why it was odd; there was no ambience. It was dead quiet. There were no bugs, no animals, no wind, nothing. It was absolute and utter silence. I got shivers when I realized how creepy and fake it all seemed. I got up from the ground and looked around. I saw no traces of sprits or demons. From what I read, I shouldn't even try to explore the fade since it would constantly change around me. Exploring would also lead me to be susceptible to possession.

I was getting bored though. I tapped on the highway and started to walk. There were mountains in the distance and everything looked the same no matter how far I walked. I didn't even get tired and my sense of time was skewed to the point where I thought I was walking for a few hours. I looked around again when I saw something floating to the right of me. It was far away but I was able to see it clearly, a small ball hovering that looked like a halo.

When my eyes met it, it seemed to shrink away. Almost like a person, it hid behind a cactus. It peeked out to look at me but it saw that I was staring at it so it went back and hid again. It kept doing it before I put up my hand and did a small wave.

"Hi?" I said tentatively. I sighed and shook my head before I started to walk again. It was a big no-no to even try to talk to spirits. I put my hands in my pockets when I noticed that I was wearing my normal clothes that I wore back home. I have to admit that the fade was really good at making things from your imagination. Then the spirit that was following me suddenly flew in front of me.

'Danger.' It said.

"Danger?" I wondered, raising my eyebrow.

'Cannot go further.' It said. I looked over its hypothetical shoulder and I nodded. If this was a helpful spirit then I should heed its advice. Once it gave me a sigh of relief, I woke up. I made sure to light up my candle to write all this down while it was still fresh in my mind. I made one last attempt on commanding the flame and all it did was flicker normally. No mage, so why am I dreaming of the fade?

9:27 Harvestmere/October 15th

"Huh? You think you had a dream about the fade?" Rael asked. I nodded. We were out in the marketplace to find some cloth or yarn to make some better clothes for myself. Unfortunately they were all overpriced because of the demand due to the early winter. Rael rubbed his chin and looked uncomfortable. "Are you sure that this was the fade? I'm not sure how it would look though."

"I'm not sure but it seemed so real." I pulled my cloak closer to me. There wasn't even a cloud in the sky and the sun was shining down but it was freezing out. The only grace was the fact there wasn't any wind today, thank God. Rael put a hand on my shoulder.

"You're not…" He looked around us to make sure no one was listening in. "A mage are you?" He whispered. I gave him a deadpanned look.

"Yes I am actually. This is just a ruse out because I would rather be on a run for my life instead of living in a cold ass tower. I have as much magic in my pinky as I am the Queen of Antiva, of course I'm not a mage." I pouted. Rael gave out a sigh of relief.

"Don't scare me about that. Maybe the attack you experienced just spooked you. Don't worry too much about it ok? I'm sure you won't dream about that anymore." Rael looked extremely relieved. He didn't want to think about the topic about the fade or about magic. Mages are looked down upon and most are looked at as monsters. I frowned. I knew that even if I did have another dream about it, I wouldn't tell him. I didn't want him to be suspicious of me.

"I'll try not to worry about it then." I fidgeted with my ring when he wasn't looking when I noticed the guards going around to do their rounds. Well tried to at least. Not many even cared for the security of the city. Most can be bribed with coin or well…either way the guards in the city do more than their worth of trouble too. Still, there are good ones in the bad bunch. Rael noticed them and we both got up and went back to the alleys towards Thomas'. Ever since Rael's rundown with the other guards last month, he would avoid trouble.

"Well today was a bust. No yarn but at least I got the needle." I sighed.

"It happens. You can't expect to get everything you want from the marketplace but…" Rael gave me a mischievous grin when we went through the alleys towards Thomas' shop. He took out what was underneath his cloak and revealed a small ball of yarn. "Sometimes it pays to have a pretty lady for a distraction." Rael winked at me. I opened my mouth slightly before pulling on one of his ears. "Ow!"

"Rael!" I harshly whispered.

"Ow! Stop pulling on them!" He whined before I pulled his face down to face me.

"Never. Ever. Steal. Again. You are much better than that." I gave him my best disappointed look. He looked deflated almost and, like a punished child, pouted and nodded. I let go of his ear and he rubbed it.

"You shouldn't have pulled so hard though. They're sensitive…" Rael mumbled. I took the yarn.

"What was that?" I growled. Rael put his hands in the pockets of his pants.

"Nothing." He huffed.

"Uh huh, that's what I thought. Either way this small ball is not even enough to make a pair of gloves or even a hat." I sighed. Rael and I continued with a tense silence.

"I'm sorry. I just didn't want you to be cold anymore." Rael shuffled outside of Thomas' shop, looking down. I sighed slightly and tapped on his chin for him to look up.

"Thank you but I'd rather use my own money to buy it ok?" I smiled. "You are forgiven." I nodded. Rael smiled sheepishly.

"Thank you. I'll just remember not to do it around you anymore." Rael chuckled before I slapped his back hard. "Ow!"

9:27 Firstfall/November 4th

I have just gone through my first holiday in Denerim. It was awesome! The only part of it that wasn't awesome was the fact that I had a lot of sweets to make for it. It is called Santinalia. It's a mix of a festival and Christmas. They crown the town fool and party. In Antiva it would be a week-long party and then a week of fasting follows after.

Here there was a huge party out in the centers. I had to stay nearly the entire day in the bakery supplying all the sweet cakes for gifts for children and others as well. It was very hectic and I had to put in long, long hours. I would go in before the sun rose and go back very late at night. This lasted for about three days until the festival stopped and the gifts started.

Gretchen let me off since it was a holiday and it was time for her and Dirk to celebrate with their families. I stayed at Thomas' while he made extra salves since people tended to party hard. Hangover cures and things for bloated stomachs were popular to use around this time. While people kept on coming in and out of Thomas' shop, I stayed in my own room.

I was practicing with my quill on spare vellum that Rael gave me while all the festivities happened. I leaned back in my chair. Two months. It's been two months and in a few days my son would be turning two. In my loneliness, I tried to turn on my phone and of course it didn't work. I put it back in my drawer and knocked my head on the table. It was stupid but I longed for a glimpse of my family.

I hated this. I wanted to go home. I've only been able to pay Thomas about 70 silvers between Rael and I. One sov and 30 silvers to go. And then what? Where would I go? I wanted to go home and nothing has even come to mind as to how except going to visit Flemeth. She wouldn't go through with it or answer my questions without a catch though. There was always something to be paid with her.

Now that I think about it, she really is my only hope in this matter. The more I thought about it, the more I gained conviction. Flemeth is Mythal or at least a part of her. If there was someone that could point me on how to get home, it would be her.

I didn't want to rely on her but my choices were very limited. On my next pay, I decided to get a map in order to find the best path. It would be a very hard trek especially when going through the Korcari wilds with the chasind folk and the wildlife of course. I would need to have someone with me that would know how to fight as well. I couldn't be able to do everything with only a small knife and minor self-defense techniques.

Oh God, what the hell did I get myself in to? Oh wait, this isn't my fault anyway! Either way, what, who, or anything that brought me here, nothing would change. The story was going to stay the same regardless with only a few changes. I guess I should at least keep track of the changes so I would know what to expect later on if I'm even here for that long.

9:27 Firstfall/November 10th

The first snow of the year has landed and it's freaking amazing and cold as hell. Not only that today was a very eventful day.

After I got up and sang a silent 'Happy Birthday' for my son, I went off to work and ate a sweet roll in his honor. It was after work that I got out and saw Rael waiting for me by the door to the bakery. He was breathing on his hands and he had the hat for his ears. His bushy red hair was getting longer. He saw me and gave me his toothy grin.

"Hey! I was wondering when you'd come out. It's freezing out here." He chuckled and hugged me tight. "Oh so warm!" He shivered and laughed.

"You smell like rotten fish! Let go!" I squirmed.

"Never!" He faked an evil laugh and we had a good chuckled. He kept on hugging me before he stopped shivering and let me go. "Ah I needed that. Come on, I saw that there was some specials out in the marketplace for some yarn."

"I'm coming." I chuckled. Rael led the way and I followed. We got very hateful stares everywhere we went but I didn't care. Rael was my friend even if he was an elf. The marketplace was not as full since people didn't want to be in the cold for too long. Merchants abound and people were scurrying around, the roads filled with slush instead of snow.

The small marketplace that was in game was nothing compare to the real deal. The whole center was as big as an outdoor swap meet. They had rows of stands just like in the dwarven noble opening but things were a lot louder and all over the place. The really expensive items like jewelry, exotic pets, really fancy armor were all under the tent and that's what we saw in game.

We mostly stayed to the outer booths. There were also roads that were right next to the booths, carriages and horses were all over the place. We found the booth that had the yarn. I was surveying them on cost and comfortability. Rael went off somewhere and gave me his small smirk. I knew he was most likely pick pocketing. I hoped that he wouldn't get caught.

I picked out a few balls that would be enough for what I would need to make. After paying, I strolled around to look at the different booths. Some sold food, cloths, equipment, and various knick knacks here and there. There was even a specialty booth that sold Dalish carvings and other trinkets. I was looking at a few carved hallas when I noticed a small child without a parent wandering around.

The mother in me turned on and I followed the kid at a good distance as I didn't want to seem like I was following him for bad reasons. He seemed inquisitive and his clothes definitely marked him as one of the nobles due to a few bright colors. As I followed him, I got bumped into by a guard. He sneered at me before making his way back through the market. I rubbed my shoulder, feeling a bruise forming before I started to hear screams of panic.

I heard a horse whinny and I saw a carriage headed toward my way in the market. The vendors and customers realized what was happening and were getting out of the way. I was about to as well when I saw the boy I was following right in front of its way.

I didn't hesitate. I dropped the yarn and ran, my legs slipping and sliding everywhere which made it difficult. When they say things like this happened in slow motion, it was true. The little boy looked at the horse with the carriage. I found my footing and grabbed him. I used all my leg strength and jumped. I narrowly avoided the horse that naturally crashed through the stalls. I slid on the cobblestone before hitting a wall. My linen clothes were ripped. My face got scratched and I had scrapes on my arm. I let out a shaky breath, my heart felt like it was about to burst out of my chest. The little boy cried from the scare and I shushed him softly.

"Oren!" I heard a woman cry. My eyes widened as the boy got out of my arms and ran to a red almost orange headed woman with her hair in a bun. He cried and sobbed as she cradled him. I got up, ignoring my scrapes. She looked at me with her tear soaked face. "Thank you, thank you!"

"Oriana! What happened?" A man with bushy dark brown hair, pale skin, and blue eyes came running toward her. Oriana and Oren? That could only mean one thing; that man is Fergus Cousland and Oriana is his wife.

The boy I saved was Oren.

9:27 Firstfall/November 10th

"She just saved our son Fergus." Oriana breathed out. I was somewhere in between shock and surprise. Fergus Cousland. Son to Bryce Cousland and brother to the DA:O noble origin player character. I rubbed my scrapped hand awkwardly.

"Many thanks stranger, how can we repay you?" Fergus helped Oriana get up with Oren in her arms, finally soothed. His question snapped me out of my reverie.

"Uh no! No, I don't need repayment. I'm just glad he's safe." I said quickly before a few guards came by to ask Fergus questions. I took that as my scene to leave. I limped slightly before gathering the yarn that I dropped. The balls were soaked with mud but a good scrub should do the trick to get them cleaned again. I had a feeling that someone was watching me and looked back. I didn't see anyone and then I was hugged by a very worried Rael.

"Nia! Are you ok!? Andraste, look at all those scrapes! I'm so sorry for leaving you alone! Come on, let's get you to Thomas' and get you a salve." Rael quickly rambled before grabbing onto my arm to help me walk.

"Rael, seriously I can walk by myself." I laughed, shivering from my wet clothing.

"You nearly got squashed and you think you're fine? You're not ok. I know this, it was scary wasn't it?" Rael comforted me. I realized that my shivering wasn't just because I was cold. I was extremely scared. So many things were passing through my mind all at once and yet my body was moving on its own. The second I grabbed Oren, I leaped, praying, hoping that the horse would miss me. If not, I could have gotten a broken leg or worse.

Now that the adrenaline has gone down, I felt like throwing up. Who knew being so heroic was so emotionally damaging? I took deep breaths to try to calm down my fast beating heart. In the end, I started to laugh because I had no other way to cope.

"Oh God, you were right. I nearly died." Again, is what I thought to myself. I cleared my throat and Rael held me tighter until we got to Thomas' shop. He gave me a double take.

"Don't tell me you both got into some trouble. I won't stand for that in my shop." Thomas said gruffly.

"She nearly got tackled by a runaway horse and carriage." Rael snapped. He gingerly sat me down before going and putting some silvers down on Thomas' desk. "An Elfroot salve, please." Rael glared and said tersely. Thomas looked slightly guilty before taking the money and giving him a bottle. Rael nodded before coming and helping me up to my room.

I sat down on my bed while Rael gathered some water to warm over the fire. A few shaky tears came out as I calmed down over all. My body hurt and the events kept on playing in my head. Fergus Cousland. I just met Fergus Cousland. I have never once really questioned the fates of the origins until now. I watched Rael gather some cloth and check the water with his finger.

Canon wise there was only one origin that was destined to be the Hero of Ferelden. Only one can be chosen and then the rest? If Rael doesn't become the warden, he'd be killed in the rebellions before the slave trading comes along. The Cousland family would get decimated by Arl Howe's men. The mage origin would get shipped off to Aeonar. The dwarven noble would be killed in the Deep Roads. The dwarf commoner would starve in Jarvia's prison. The Dalish elf would get killed by the taint. I took a really good long look at Rael as he brought the bucket of the warmed water.

He took my arm and started to slowly clean my scraps. He handled me gently. I felt his calloused hands run down my skin, checking everything with a sharp eye. I didn't want him to die. Rael was my first real friend but meeting Fergus Cousland only reminded me of what was going to pass. Rael took the bottle of the salve and started to rub it on my skin.

"They should heal quickly. By this time tomorrow, you won't even have anything to remind you of today." Rael smiled and noticed my somber expression. He gave me a toothy grin and patted me on the head. "Don't worry. Things will go back to normal tomorrow! Ah! Your balls of yarn are messy. Hm, I guess I could clean them for you." Rael mumbled, getting up and holding them. My leg still hurt but I got up and gave him a quick hug. He got tense for a second. He smelled salty like the ocean and musky. "H-Hey!"

"Rael…don't die ok?" I held him tighter. One of his arms settled around my shoulders and the other patted my head before he returned the hugged and put his head on top of mine.

"This really got you spooked huh? I promise I'm not going to die. I'm made of tougher stuff than that. Besides…I don't think living is that hard anymore." Rael chuckled and his body vibrated. I felt myself smiling and feeling more at ease. "Anyway, you still need to finish up on your legs. I'll go wash your yarn for you." Rael let go and went out. I washed the rest of my scrapes and put the Elfroot salve on them. They seemed to tingle and get warm. It wasn't an unpleasant experience and they smelled good too. Now if only the potions were better tasting.

9:27 Firstfall/November 13th

For the past few days, I had a feeling that I was being watched. No joke. It could be that I was being paranoid after what happened in the marketplace a few days ago but I could have sworn that there was something out there watching me.

After my life saving day, I went back to work the next day. My whole body felt like a bruise and I didn't feel up to working but I did. I went to work, went back to Thomas, took a bath to ease my muscles, and practiced with my quill again. Rael was right. My scrapes were all gone by the next day.

After that day was when I started to feel like someone was watching me. Out of the corner of my eyes, I would spot something and look back only to find that no one was there. In the bakery I was fine but when I went out I got that sensation again. I tried not to pay any attention to it until around the second day. Rael told me not to worry that it could have been just my nerves playing with me since the market place day.

Then I noticed footprints in the snow on my way home. Someone has been watching me but I don't know who or why. I haven't done anything wrong and, if it was a guard, they would have come up to me instead of sneaking around. I have caught someone's interest and my mind is going wild as to who. Here's to sleepless nights, ugh.

9:27 Firstfall/November 14th

After work, I came out of the bakery and let out a breath from the rush of the chill. It snowed last night and it was piled high. I took a few steps back toward Thomas' until I felt that eerie sensation of being watched again. I was getting tired of this.

I took a tight turn which would have led to the street right behind the person. I did quiet footfalls before reaching the street. The person who was following me looked around in confusion. I had a hand where the hidden knife was. Instead of attacking, I stood up straight and crossed my arms.

"Ok I've had enough of this. You've been following me for four days now, what is your deal!?" I snapped. The person turned around. They had a mask up with a hood over their face. My stomach sunk as I felt that I was in over my head. They pulled down their face mask.

"You have done well. My employer wishes to speak to you." They said.

"I'm not going anywhere until you tell me what's going on." I asked with mixed bravado. The person smiled.

"This is something you can't refuse. Follow me if you are curious." They put up their mask again and started walking toward the marketplace. I had two choices; go or not go. Whether it was fate or curiosity, I decided to follow. We went into the marketplace but the person walked even further, closer to the estates owned by the nobles. I started to feel a little silly with my rough clothes and my cloak while the nobles where going around with their very nice fur clothing. I pulled my cloak more as I felt embarrassed before we stopped at a very big estate.

The person nodded towards me as we passed the front gates and into a side passage. There were a few elves working, going to and fro into the rooms. I felt like an outsider but the person weaved through the rooms. Then we entered what looked like to be the main hall and my heart nearly stopped. Oren and Fergus were at the table. At the head was who I assumed to be was Bryce with Eleanor next to him. The person took off their hood and face mask completely. It was Oriana. She gave me a sly smile while I tried not to gape like an idiot.

"Ma!" Oren ran toward her and she carried him, settling right next to Fergus and kissing him quickly on the lips before Bryce cleared his throat. I naturally stood at attention with my hands clasp right in front of me.

"I have heard many things about you Ms. Nia. I have you to thank for my grandson being alive today." Bryce said sincerely. My nerves were getting the better of me but I had to stand firm.

"I saw a child in danger and my first reaction was to save him." I looked down, trying to make myself look smaller.

"And it's that reaction that benefited my family. Oriana began looking as to who you are." Bryce's voice boomed in the main hall. I could see a few servants being slightly curious as to who I was. I gulped.

"I am in need of someone to take of my duties and one of those is my son Oren. I have never seen someone that would put their own life at risk for him which is exactly what I need. You are a very hard worker from what the bakery I visited told me. You also take care of others such as that elf boy that frequently visits you. It is these qualities I am looking for in a handmaiden. The fact that you were able to intercept me was also something I was looking for. After all, a son of a noble can be seen an easy target to those wanting to harm my family." Oriana explained all of this. It was almost too good to be true. They wanted to employ me?

"I…I am indebted to the man who is housing me right now." I mentioned.

"Your debt will be cleared away as long as you accept the position." Bryce boomed. Fergus had a playful smirk on his face while Oren was enjoying his mother's attention. Eleanor was seated and enjoying this from what I can tell.

"I am honored and would gladly accept your employ." I bowed low.

"Good. We will be staying in the capital for the next week before we move to Highever Castle. I expect you would have gathered all your things. The debt will be taken care of in the coming days." Oriana explained. I nodded while trying not to lose my head.

"Lana, may you see her out please?" Bryce asked. An elf came by and led me out of the estate and, before I knew it, I was out in the cold again. I couldn't really believe what was happening. I couldn't remember the walk back to Thomas' but, as soon as I was in my room, I hit my head on the desk. It hurt. It hurt. This wasn't a dream. In a week I would be leaving Denerim to Highever and be employed by the Couslands. Dear God, what have I gotten myself into?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For old times sake, I think I'll update this story every 3 days with a chapter. Man, I can't believe I was able to do that lol the chapters will vary in terms of length since I am consolidating all my earlier, shorter chapters together. I would like to change a few things too but we'll see if I'll can. There are a few things I wanted to do when I first started this but my previous storyboard beta rejected. There is a reason why they are my PREVIOUS beta.
> 
> Thank you Guest for the kudos! Please leave kudos/message!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nia has reached Highever and is now working for the Cousland family. Things are not perfect as they seem as the Noble Origin is a big, fat jerk and has his eyes set on her. Not in the goo way.

9:27 Firstfall/November 15th

Rael had his mouth wide open for almost a good minute. I kept on writing on the parchment to try to ignore his gaping mouth that moved with no sound coming out of it. He slammed both hands on the table, spilling the ink on the page. I let out a panicked gasp when the ink nearly reached my journal. I was able to get up and save it before Rael put his hands on my shoulders.

"What do you mean you're going to Highever in one week!?" Rael gasped. His brows were furrowed and his fingers were digging into my shoulders. I clutched my journal.

"Like I said before, they employed me as a handmaiden and I'll be going with them in a week." I repeated. Rael bit his lip before pacing in front of the fireplace.

"I was able to see that boy for a second and knew he was a noble's son but the Couslands!? They're second to the King! I…this is just going too fast! Why do you need to go and leave?" Rael kicked the stone wall. I sighed before putting the journal on top of my bed. I poked his arm. He looked at me and pouted. "It's not fair…you're the only real friend I have…"

"It's the same for me but they said that they'll pay off Thomas. Not only that, this is a really good opportunity to get money to go back home. You know how much I miss it." I lied. Rael looked down, his locks of red hair nearly shielding his eyes.

"I know but…" Rael shuffled on his feet.

"Besides, you know this isn't goodbye. You can still send me letters and everything. You just won't be able to see me every day." I lightly chuckled. Rael sighed and hugged me. I patted his back.

"You're different from the rest of the humans. You actually listen, you actually care. The only bright light and it's already being taken away from me." Rael whispered next to my ear.

"Rael…" I sighed. He hugged me tighter.

"Sorry…I know I'm being selfish…" He pulled me away and cupped my face. "Promise me you'll write ok? Every week without fail or I will throw myself in the ocean!" I gave him a deadpanned look and pinched his cheeks. "Ow!"

"There will be times when I might not be able to write but I'll write when I can ok?" I patted his head and he pouted.

"Fine…I'll accept that for now." Rael huffed. "Come on, let me help you clean this before Thomas drugs us both." Rael took a cloth and cleaned up the ink spill. I shook my head but my heart flopped to the ground.

I wondered late at night after Rael left whether these were just coincidences or maybe fate at play. I don't believe in fate or destiny. I believe that things happen for a reason though. Why I'm here and why I'm about to be in Highever where the Couslands are. Does this mean that I should save them? Stop Howe's attack and make sure they survive? I doubt it. Bryce wouldn't listen to anyone concerning Howe even when all the signs were in front of him. Even if I did managed to get his trust, he still wouldn't listen to me but there was one person I could save; the youngest Cousland. I can save he or she if Duncan isn't there in time.

Are they meant for greatness? Should I even consider it? Technically only Duncan can conscript them to become Grey Wardens and even if the youngest Cousland dies, Fergus will always survive but what if that changes? All these questions and scenarios poured into my head as to what could change now that I'm here. I could always just hide myself away but that wouldn't get me any closer to my family.

I had to get to Flemeth but not the way I am now. So I planned on it as the fire in the fireplace was dying. The only way to get to Flemeth safely was to join the Hero of Ferelden. I didn't know how to fight but I have about 2 years to learn to at least something. It was a long shot and I wasn't even sure if I could complete it but I had my goal: Find Flemeth and get back home. I only hoped that this could work.

9:27 Firstfall/November 21st

The week finally passed by. It passed quickly as well. Oriana paid the debt I had accrued with Thomas and he accepted it. I got Rael's address and had it in my journal so I wouldn't forget it. Once I knew where I would be staying in Highever, I would send him a letter with my address. I managed to put everything I owned in a small wooden luggage crate. All I had were clothes and the very few belongings of my own world.

Gretchen was sad to see me go. I was a really good worker but understood that I needed more than 3 silvers to get to my home. Thomas said that he would miss the company but didn't really care that much. Instead he was happy he was getting back his room for the space. Rael was taking it hard. Even when I visited him at the docks, his smiles were getting smaller and smaller.

By the time Oriana came by with the carriage to lead me out, Rael was full blown frowning. He was the only one to see me out. There were only two for now to send us out with the servants they brought from Highever. I was to go with them. The driver took my luggage and hoisted it up, using rope to tie down all of them. Rael frowned deepened as he saw the servants settling in.

I pulled my cloak around me. I didn't know when I would be in Denerim again. Rael sighed, his breath showing. He shuffled on his feet before his eyes rested on me.

"It's not going to be the same but you did promise you'll write so there's that." Rael took a deep breath and let it out. I nodded before reaching in my cloak and pulling out the hat I knitted.

"It's not much but I never got you a gift for Santinalia. Here. I was going to make one for myself but the one you have for work is so filthy. Put it on to see if it will fit." I held it out. Rael took it and put it on. It was simple with no form but I chose comfort instead. His face got red.

"It fits perfect." He mumbled. He cleared his throat and I noticed that he had unshed tears.

"We need to get moving!" The driver called out. I looked at Rael and he brought me in for another hug. He held me tightly and I heard the sniffles. I felt bad but there was nothing I could do.

"I'll write to you as soon as I get there." I patted his back and rubbed my face. I smelled him deeply. It was a mixture of salt and musk that permeated my being and settled inside of me. My first friend. Rael let go and wiped his eyes. I gave him a small smile and cupped his face. I brought him down and gave him a kiss on the forehead. "Don't get into too much trouble." I lightly slapped him. He nodded and bit his lip. I went into the carriage. I felt the rumble of it moving and saw out the small window. Rael was wiping his eyes furiously.

He found a reason to live which was me. Even if I was away, I knew that he would continue to live. I wouldn't forgive him if he died. The servants eyed me curiously. Human and elf though the elves more than the human. I only got comfortable in my corner while we continued to ride toward Highever. It would be a three day ride and we'll be stopping at a few inns on the way.

I watched as we passed through the crowded streets of Denerim until we reached the main gate. It was high with huge wooden doors. There was a courtyard separating the main gate and the main city. As we passed the towering gates, I thought about everything that I had learned in Denerim and was immensely grateful for Rael. I made a mental note to start giving him some money to help out his family as soon as possible.

The cobblestone road changed into the dirt road. The trees were sparse near Denerim but it quickly became forest. I watched the scenery before I started to hear the whispers of the servants. I made myself ignore them. I didn't want to start any drama until…

"Were you two lovers?" A male elf asked in front of me. I stared at him until I chuckled slightly.

"No he was only a really good friend." I replied.

"Hmph, it's best if you didn't flirt with her Thellan. You know you can't have elf babies with a shem." Another female elf said from the other corner. Thellan got red.

"T-That wasn't the reason why I asked!" He sputtered. I gave a small smile.

"Uh huh, I know all about you trying to get into the new hire's parts." She stuck her tongue out.

"Be quiet Awell!" Thellan shouted.

"You both be quiet!" Another human servant shouted.

"Make us!" Awell flared. I chuckled. This was going to be an interesting trip.

9:27 Firstfall/November 24th

The trip back was enjoyable to say the least. Thellan and Awell were the elves that worked under Nan. The others, Jacob and Emilia worked as helpers as a whole. Thellan and Awell were cross with them but when around the actual Cousland family, they became meek. It was an interesting switch. During the three day trip, Oriana gave me a run down as to what my job entailed. I would have to respond to her letters, plan her trips and soirees, take care of Oren, and help her with her clothing and everything in between.

I was becoming more grateful to Rael to teaching me how to read and write. My penmanship wasn't perfect but it wasn't horrid at least. Thellan and Awell kept on talking to me and inquiring about Rael. They didn't really seem to accept my explanation that Rael was only a friend. Thellan told me that the feelings in his eyes didn't say that. I ignored most of their gossip. Rael treated me as a precious object because I was his reason to not die. Of course I would be important to him.

He was important to me as well. He was my first friend. Rael helped me adjust to this change gradually and never made me step out of my boundaries. He taught me when he didn't need to and he saved my life when he could have left me in the gutter. Rael didn't though. He was always there for me.

When we arrived at Highever Castle, it took my breath away. It was huge and towering. It held a distance from the city proper but it was beautiful. The cobblestone almost looked like polished marble, white and sparkling. There were gardens out before the main gates were long and well-tended to. We went inside and toward the stables. They were huge with various horses. They looked powerful and big. This is where we stopped. I got my luggage that the driver put down.

There were various guards and servants going around with their daily business. The pots with plants were being tended to. Nearly every passage way had a guard there defending it. Oriana nodded to me and I followed her. The castle was huge from the inside and we weren't even inside the main rooms. Guards nodded politely to Oriana as she led me away.

"We have servant quarters to where you will be situated at. The room will be personal to you and you will have keys for it as well as I. You are to get up in the morning and join me after you had your breakfast. From then on, I will train you on your duties." Oriana pulled out a key and opened a door. It was a modest room, slightly bigger than the nook I had in Thomas and I had a real bed this time! Oriana gave me the key before going toward the drawers. She gave me a dark beige apron, a maroon shirt, and a darker skirt. "This will be your uniform to differentiate you from the rest of the servants. I have great hopes that you will do your job diligently. Do not let me down." Oriana gave me that sly smile again. I got a shiver of fear before she left the room.

I sat on the bed and took a deep breath. I shivered with excitement and a hint of fear. I am here in the Cousland castle…I made it here! I made it! I wanted to jump up and down but I refrained from doing so. I put what little belongings I had in my drawers and sat on my bed again.

Then the change finally sunk in. My hitched breath came and I stubbornly tried not to shed any tears. It didn't work. In the end, I locked my door and cried into the soft pillow. My homesickness rose to an all-time high. I missed Rael. He was my comfort, my home away from home and now I lost that too.

Was this a mistake? Should I even have come here? The doubt was crawling from the back of my head to the forefront of my thoughts. I clutched my pillow and laid in a heap on my bed. I wiped away my tears and took a few calming breaths. I had to remember that this was the only way, the only safe way to get to Flemeth. I couldn't risk going out there alone with bandits, wildlife, demons, and who knows what else. Going with the Hero of Ferelden was my only hope. I was almost there too. It was nearly the next year. All I had to wait was two more years.

I prayed to God with all my heart that I would be able to last that long.

9:27 Haring/December 1st

Out of all the commotion of being moved and my crushing homesickness, I nearly forgot my own birthday. As agreed, I was able to send my first letter to Rael along with some money. I hid it in a pair of gloves. Learning the job was the easy part. It was juggling everything that Oriana had to do was the hard part. I was a glorified secretary that had to dress Oriana and be a babysitter at the same time.

I fumbled with her dresses and what to choose but Oriana was surprisingly patient throughout all this. Oren seemed to like me and I got to take care of him a few nights while Fergus and Oriana went off to be romantic. Bryce was always busy going back to the capital and Eleanor was off visiting friends in Amaranthine when we got back. The castle was always busy and the courtyard was huge. The main castle was enormous with so many doors and hallways it made me dizzy.

It was amazing though. That little bit that you were able to explore in game was nothing to what I saw, what I experienced. Many of the servants made sure to show me where I was going when I got lost a few times, there were wells to draw from for my bath as well, and I even got to meet Nan. One day Oriana was going to have a long talk with a few representatives from Antiva and sent me away with Oren.

I explored the castle with Oren, following him and making sure he didn't fall or trip. He giggled and went into a corner. He peeked out and when he saw me, he giggled again. I shook my head and chuckled. Oren reminded me so much of my son.

"Hm, I wonder where Oren has gone?" I giggled. Oren giggled as I quickly turned on the corner. He squealed and started to run. I made my pace slower so I didn't catch him. Either way my skirt wasn't making things easy. I laughed as he tried to find places to hide but I found him every time. The guards that we passed laughed at our antics. Oren quickly ran around another corner and I jogged to keep up, not looking where I was going. I bumped into someone with armor and landed unceremoniously on my butt.

I gave out a wince of pain before realized what I did. I scrambled on my feet, dusting off my apron. I bowed very low, my face becoming red with embarrassment.

"I am so sorry! I didn't mean to bump into you!" I looked up. His face looked just like Fergus' but with cold and calculating blue eyes and black hair. Oren was in his arms giggling and avoiding my gaze. The man immediately scowled.

"And who are you?" He asked, hugging Oren protectively.

"My name is Nia. I am Oriana's handmaiden." I said. I straightened my posture. Something about him irked me slightly. It didn't matter much since my head only reached his chest.

"A handmaiden? She managed to pick one with her pickiness? Well at least it happened." He scoffed. Oren struggled on his grip, reaching for me. I reached out for him but he kept him away from me. "Mind your manners and make sure not to do that to me again. It would be best to learn your place."

Instantly, my dislike came. I frowned but still held out my hands. Oren cried out but he was not letting go one bit. Then there was a sneer on his face. Now I realized why I disliked him. He had that personality to expect that I would grovel at his feet.

"Do you even know who I am?" He asked.

"No sir." I said politely.

"My name is Eren Cousland. It would be best for your sake to remember it. Do not let this happen again." He warned. He gave me Oren who I put down immediately. Then Eren pushed me again, not too gently, even after he told me not to do it. My immediate impression of him? He's a gigantic prick.

In the end, I forgot about him and decided to only play with Oren. But meeting Eren finally completed the Cousland family. I didn't think he would so jerkish. You would think that a future Grey Warden would be a better person. Even so, there are a lot of decisions in game that are borderline psychopathic. Having a future Grey Warden that wasn't a people person was a possibility.

9:27 Haring/December 4th

Most of the time I'm there with Oriana, scribbling away the letters she wanted me to write, organizing a few plans, and tending to Oren. After they found out that I was really good at pastries, I am in between being under Nan and Oriana. If only to show off for Eleanor at how great her cakes looked. That's where I found Thellan and Awell again. They were completely different under Nan. Those crass and confident attitudes they had on the way back from Denerim were completely shut down when she was around. I understood why.

She was a madwoman when it came to the larder and any food. She was strict with everything that passed through and very critical with errors. I had a few bosses like her and they weren't enjoyable to work under. Considering I was employed by Oriana and not Nan, I had some cushion to talk back to her.

"If you want to bake a good meringue, it needs to be on a flat surface, around 90C, and for an hour and 45 minutes!" I argued with Nan. The meringue she cooked was yellow and on its way to being burnt by the time she took it out.

"The color means the egg has been fully cooked and no one will get sick from the runs!" Nan hit her fist on the table.

"You're burning it! A good meringue should sound like chalk when you take it out and be a nice white color!" I crossed my arms.

"It's not cooked!"

"That's why you take a piece, break it, and check it!" I huffed. I pinched my nose bridge while Awell and Thellan cowered away in a corner, still cooking a few things for a few of Bryce's guests. "Either way, we can't do anything about it now. Making a new batch from scratch would take some time. Let's just decorate the small frilly cakes and get this over with."

It was a lemon tart with a small slice of it and a meringue stick on top as a decoration. The stuff they do to make these cakes look nice was sickening. I get that mashing gold on top of something is nice, but silver is toxic. In the end, Nan and I were able to finish the tarts and send them out. It was getting late at night by the time I got out of the kitchens. I was exhausted, sweaty, and dying for a bath. I was about to go back to my room before I saw the light from the libraries.

I haven't been able to really explore the castle. It was huge and that wasn't even getting into the interior. I nodded toward the guard and went inside. Bookshelves upon bookshelves lined the library with a roaring fireplace in the middle of it all. There were two study rooms adjacent to each other. I saw an old man sitting at a desk, reading something. He looked up and nodded toward me. I recognized him as Aldous.

"Ah I have seen you around. You are the handmaiden to Oriana, correct?" Aldous asked as I sat down on the table.

"Yes. She hired me back in Denerim." I nodded.

"Good. We needed capable hands to protect the young lord." Aldous nodded.

"Capable?" I wondered.

"Many know of the circumstances surrounding your employ. How you risked your life to save Oren's life without hesitation. It was a grand choice indeed." Aldous explained. I felt my face heating up.

"Thank you." I said sincerely.

"Now that you are close with the young lord, I was wondering if you would also like to forward some of my teachings to him." Aldous closed his book. There was giddiness in his eyes. I felt apprehension but nodded politely. He got out of his chair before going and getting a stack of books. "These are only a summary of the entire Cousland family from before the country was founded. If you could start reading these to him during your time, I would be very appreciative." I stared at the stack. This was only a summary? I sighed but nodded.

"Of course, I will try though Oren might not listen to me. He still is young." I laughed.

"Nonsense! There is no age where learning is not essential!" Aldous announced proudly. I got to give it to him, he really does love his job.

9:27 Haring/December 10th

"Wow so these are all the lands you still own in Antiva?" I gasped, looking at all the names on the list that Oriana gave me. We were currently in a resting area with a fireplace roaring next to us. It had snowed earlier and Oriana requested that I help her organize a few of her business ventures. She was with her tea and the cookies that I had cooked earlier in the day.

"Of course. It's these lands that create the fine quality silk that are essential to Antiva. There are a few mines as well that create jewelry and supply iron to the capital itself." Oriana sipped her tea proudly. I gulped. Oriana was not someone to mess around with. "But handling this business is a difficult task especially from Highever. I had to release a few lands to my younger siblings but recently I heard that they haven't been doing a good job." Oriana sighed. "It seems my younger sister crossed a crow and has a hit on her life." I gaped.

"Are you going to do anything?" I wondered. Oriana laughed.

"There is no need. I have a few contacts that have already encountered my sister and has moved her to a safe haven. I am already negotiating what I need to pay to pay for the hit." Oriana chuckled. I put it on my mental note not to cross this woman. "Even though from the accounts I acquired from Denerim, you are not from Antiva, are you?" Oriana asked with a glint in her eye. I gulped discreetly and avoided her gaze. "You must be careful. Information is a very lucrative business, especially for us." I fidgeted with my ring on my finger.

"Does this mean you're going to fire me?" I mumbled. Oriana giggled.

"Of course not! Don't be silly! It's actually in my favor. Because of your mysterious background, it would be difficult for my enemies to use anything against me. In case someone does happen, I had this made for you. Remember it and it might help you in the future." Oriana gave me a small set of papers. In it was the life of Nia, from when she was born, to the names of parents, and even siblings. They were in one of Oriana's lands so she can vouch where I was from. I looked at her with surprise, she really did this all for me.

Well not all for me. It was something to use in case something happens in the future. Like she said, a person with no history is extremely suspicious. The fact she made history for me really touched me. She even included a family of my own. I noticed that all the people she listed were deceased however.

"Um why did you list everyone as deceased?" I asked. She took a bite of her cookie and sipped slowly.

"Someone with a tragic past is less inclined to talk about it and those who ask even more so. A widow is more tragic than someone with a family. With this, people will ask much or not at all. You have lost many that are precious to you regardless. Your slouched behavior, your sullen look when you are alone, and the red in your eyes in the mornings all tell me this. You play with your ring and then you sigh. You touch your belly and rub it while looking down. You have lost a husband and children, haven't you? You lost your home." Oriana said confidently. It scared me how she was able to figure out so much in a short time of knowing me but she needed to be that way in her business. I never realized how much I gave away with my mannerisms and body posture.

I still feel the hurt. I still remember my son, my daughter, my husband. I feel the pang of homesickness and loneliness whenever something reminds me of them. It's all fresh, a wound that would not heal. I'm not sure that it would heal to be honest.

"Yes…I did." I confessed. Oriana gave me a comforting pat on my shoulder.

"Well, it seems that my schedule won't be completed due to the snowfall. I would like you to review the profits from each lands and note the ones that decreased. You may retreat to your own room for now. I also need you to watch Oren on Thursday this week. Fergus has something planned for me, a secret." Oriana winked at me. I was grateful for the break. I took the notes and excused myself. I went out of the room and went down through the hallways to my own room.

The snow lightly fell all around the castle. It was odd that a home so big can be so quiet. It was that quiet chill that sent lonely shivers up my spine. It was almost like I was the only one existing. The snow crunched beneath my boots as I made it to my room. I cleaned out the fireplace and put in more logs. I sat at my desk and started to review what Oriana gave me.

I wiped at a few stray tears as I reread the thing that Oriana gave me. It was something that was important to me but at the same time heart wrenching. I was grateful to be here but all I wanted was to go home.

9:27 Haring/December 14th

It was the night that Oriana and Fergus decided to go out. I can see why Fergus loves her so much. They are a true pair. Oren was playing with his wooden blocks in the library with me. I recited the books while he was near and Aldous was tutoring a few squires that were picked out for the knights. It was a very quiet night and I relished it.

"I am telling you the early winter has made the people irritable. We must increase the guard rotations." Eren told a familiar red headed knight. Gilmore was right behind him as they strolled into the library. Oren came up to Eren and hugged his leg. Eren lightly patted his head and moved away.

"We only have so much men milord. If we add more shifts, they'll be sleeping where they are standing." Gilmore retorted.

"Yes but when we have several thieving incidents because of a food shortage then it is only a matter of time before they will escalate. Ser Gilmore, go to the guard and tell them to add rotations. I will try to convince my father to raise the food rations for the people." Eren grabbed a book from a shelf and started to leaf through it.

"Milord if you do that, then there will not be enough food for the people in the castle! Surely there could be another way." Gilmore argued. It was fascinating watching them talk about something serious. Eren looked like a leader.

"There isn't much we can do Gilmore. The harbor has ice floating in its water. It would be too risky to send out more ships for fishing and the men can die of frostbite. The most we can do now is give out the food rations and see if we can persuade a few ranchers to kill off their livestock to salt it and sell it." Eren took a few more books, patted Oren's head, and headed out again. Aldous sighed, letting the squires go for the day.

"Are things really as bad as they seem?" I wondered.

"The early winter means that the harvest was cut short and many of the vegetables died off before being picked. That means less grain, less bread, less food. The food rations can only last for so long." Aldous explained while sitting on my table.

"But why was Eren talking about the guard?" I asked.

"He is the Captain of the Guard." Aldous nodded. My eyebrows shot up. "Eren is the second born which means that he will not inherit the title as that will belong to Fergus but that does not mean he cannot go without learning about the kingdom. Out of all the things that he grew up with, he showed tenacity for protecting and serving. For that, his father wanted him to take over the guard but my lord instead opted to work hard for that position. He earned it himself. Unfortunately…" Aldous groaned. My eyebrows furrowed.

"Unfortunately…?" I wondered.

"It only during hard times such as these that his hard work personality has shown but recently he has…slacked off. He would abuse his position if only for the women. There have been various instances where he would disguise himself and drink. Eren has become problematic but the fact is he does enjoy his position and thinks about the citizens. There comes a time when he must realize that he cannot be selfish but that is not that time yet." Aldous explained. "Oh I am sorry. It seems this old fool does not seem to realize that he is ranting to a young woman." He chuckled.

"No, it's ok. I don't mind listening. I actually want to learn more about the Cousland family." I said. Aldous lit up and I felt that sinking stomach feeling. Oren came by and sat on my lap, playing with his toys.

"Well since you are so interested in learning…the Couslands have been around for many, many generations. Truthfully this lands was first owned by the Howes but when their head of household was murdered by his wife, the lands fell into the Couslands around the Towers age…" Aldous started.

I smiled politely and heard it all. It was interesting but Aldous really needs to work on his delivery. Oren fell asleep at the first ten minutes. My butt fell asleep as I sat for hours.

9:27 Haring/December 20th

Eren has been gone for almost a week at Denerim. From what I heard from the other servants, he was trying to gain more guards around Highever to help the place. I kept up my duties and Oriana gave me an early day off. I spent it in the library, reading all the history that they had there. Most of it was, of course, about Ferelden and how the country got started. There were a few Antivan history books and well as, ahem, romance novels.

I tended to keep away from those…most of the time. I have to say the cheesy romance novels are kinda fun. I had a close seat to the roaring fireplace. Aldous was placing away a few books away and there were a few guards spending some of their break time here. I leaned back and did a few back stretches and Aldous came to put down the key.

"It's time for this old man's bed time." Aldous chuckled. "I trust you'll put away your books once you're done?"

"Yes Aldous." I nodded. He gave me a small bow before leaving. After putting more logs in the fire, I put down the book, stretched my arms across the table, and moaned slightly. The warmth was penetrating my bones and it felt so good. I nearly fell asleep before I heard the thumps of heavy boots on the floor. I looked up. It was Eren. He gave me a glare. I looked away before gathering my books to put them away. I didn't want to stay anywhere near him. As I neared the bookshelves, I noticed that Eren follow me and crossed his arms.

Alarm bells suddenly rang in my head when I thought about the situation. We were completely alone in the library. He was in armor and I was in my usual maid clothes. I felt that strong urge of panic and fear in my stomach but I put on a brave front.

"Is there something I can help you with?" I asked politely, keeping a small smile on my face to not look threatening.

"Do you truly understand the severity of your actions?" Eren asked me in a low voice. I furrowed my brows.

"My actions?" I wondered. Eren stepped closer and I was trying to look at exits within my peripheral vision. Unfortunately he literally backed me into a corner.

"I do not believe in something that is too good to be true." Eren casually tapped on the bookshelves while glaring at me. "You gained the trust of my family by saving a boy you didn't know of. Or, perhaps, you did know of his heritage. That is how you came into our castle." Eren stepped closer.

"Is there anything that you're leading to?" I asked. I still had a small knife hidden in my apron just in case. If I did attack him, I'd be put away for life. It was a risk I had to take in case he turned physical.

"You came here to sabotage my family. I know how you Antivan's are. Living alongside those Crows would turn any good woman into their spies." Eren towered over me. I felt the rage bubble in my stomach.

"Are you serious?" I breathed out.

"I track everyone that gets close to my family. Someone like you would do anything to cause my family harm. After all, what would an Antivan and an elf do together than try everything to gain power?" Eren scoffed.

"Did you do something to Rael?" I asked in a low voice, my hands clenching into fists.

"That elf had no information to give me no matter how…persuasive I was." Eren shook his head, giving me an evil smirk. Before I knew it, all I saw was red and my fist landing on Eren's face. He staggered as blood ran down from his nose to his chin. He gave me the best surprised face but I couldn't relish it. I was too angry.

"I only saved him because I saw a child in danger! I would have done it for any other children as well! You think I saved Oren because he was a noble and I wanted to hurt your family!? Tough shit! I only did what any mother would have done at that moment! Rael saved me when I had to run from a sinking ship that was on fire! I would have died without him! So what if he's an elf!? He's more human than any of you, you pompous prick!" I shouted. "How dare you think I only came here on the sole reason to hurt any of you!? You really think I want to be here!? I want to go home to my family instead of being here surrounded by strange people in a strange land! If I had an opportunity to get away, I would have taken it! So don't you dare assume that I'm only here to scrounge for information to people I don't give two shits about!" I panted, small tears threatening to fall. Eren wiped away the blood from his face. I stood straight and tall. I would never allow him to see weakness. Eren gave me one last glare before turning and leaving.

After I heard the library's door closed, I collapsed on the floor and sobbed. I was so angry and worried. What did he do to Rael? Did he hurt him bad? Then I felt slightly betrayed. How could he think that I would come here just for that? That I would hurt them? That I would hurt Oren? That I would use him? I punched the floor a few times until my knuckles bled. After all the rage left, I felt empty. I leaned against the bookshelf, focusing on breathing.

I hated this. I didn't want to be here but I was forced here. I wiped my hands with my apron and wiped my tears. I took some water and doused the fireplace. It became dark and I relished the shadows. Alone I could remember my family and think about them. Alone I could pray for them and everyone else. I took the key from the table and locked up the library. I put the key in a small vase near the door where Aldous would hide it.

I wandered to my room and locked it away. It was mechanical how I would undress and go under my covers. All my emotions were drained and I felt an extreme fatigue. All I wanted was to sleep and hope that I would wake up in the same bed as my husband with the warm smile of my son and daughter.

9:27 Haring/December 21st

Instead of having a nice dreamless sleep, I woke up in the fade. I groaned. I really didn't want to be here right now. I got up and I was dressed in my usual clothes from my home. I was laying on the road right outside my house. There were no cars, no electricity poles, and nothing modern besides the houses.

"Well, this is really creepy. It reminds me of those apocalyptic movies where there's only one survivor." I mumbled. I sat on the road. I didn't want to go anywhere at this point. I noticed a few bright figures though. I rubbed my eyes but they weren't playing tricks on me. They faded in and out, looking like people but not really.

"Strange." I got up and headed toward those lights but the closer I got, the more they disappeared. I wondered if these were the people that were dreaming right now. I've always had a knack for remembering my dreams. Out of the corner of my eye I saw the spirit that resembled a Halo. It was hesitant seeing me and I could tell that it was looking around for a hiding place. I rolled my eyes and walked around my neighborhood.

I sighed, kicking a few stray pebbles. They made no sound. I saw the eerie sky and the floating islands and, in the center, a great island that seemed to grow darker the more I stared at it. The Black City. Was it the throne of God as they thought it was? Or something that was connected to Fen'Harel?

I continued on until my neighborhood started to get slightly weird. There were floating pieces of dirt and trees, a few houses that were built at an angle, and various items that were floating in the air. The fade was a weird place. I sat on a stone fence and sighed. The spirit that was shaped as a halo was near me to make sure I didn't get into trouble.

"I don't get it. What's wrong with being helpful? I swear, is it that hard to find good people in this world that you suspect everyone?" I scoffed and crossed my arms, my heels tapping on the stone wall. "Stupid Eren, at least I gave him a good punch before I'm fired for good." I sighed.

'Help.' I heard a small voice said. I looked around and the spirit that looked like a halo gave me a confused look. It shrugged it shoulders. I looked around before I saw a small spirit that almost looked like a child near me. 'Help others.'

"Yes. I guess you understand right? I like to help others in a reasonable manner at least." I chuckled. The small spirit nodded.

'Compassion.' The spirit bowed.

"My name is Nia." I introduced myself. "I sometimes forget that we have nice spirits like you." I sighed. After I imagined it smiling, I woke up. I wrote down everything and made myself ready for getting fired.

It never happened.

The day went by like all the others days were I helped Oriana with her day, appointments, letters, and business. Though when I helped Oriana at the dinner table, I saw Eren come in with a noticeable bruise on his face. He glared at me before taking his seat. Bryce laughed at him.

"Well, pup, did you offend the wrong lady?" Bryce chuckled.

"Bryce." Eleanor warned.

"I misjudged her. It won't happen again." Eren mumbled, sitting down roughly. Fergus came in shortly after and laughed at him as well. Oriana excused me and I was left eating alone in my own room wondering why Eren didn't tell everyone I punched him. I wasn't sure if it was because I damaged his pride or because of other reasons.

There was one thing for sure: I had to keep a careful eye on Eren. He seemed to be a big playboy with no regards to his family but he really does care for them and his city. He can be scary when he wants to be but I won't let that stop me from doing what I need to do. As big as a prick that he is, I still need to save him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is it me or is the story gather all my notes at the end? I'm not sure how to fix that but if anyone knows, please give me a message or something similar! Thank you shatteredstar and guest for the kudos!


	4. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nia has to undergo training under Eren to become his bodyguard to make sure she doesn't flounder on his assignments. Nia isn't exactly fond of it but knows that it will be needed in the future.

9:27 Haring/December 30th / 9:28 Wintermarch/January 1st

It was the night of the New Year. There was a big feast in the main dining hall for the nobles in the Bannorn that Bryce was hosting. They do this every few years in order to marry off daughters or sons to create alliances. I was helping Nan making petit fours for the party as well as helping with the cooking. It was a ginormous mess in the kitchen with tons of servants helping, preparing, serving, and sending out the food.

By the time we finished with everything, it was early morning of the next day. All the leftover food was being shared with everyone. For once I saw elf and humans mingle without too many snarky remarks or insults. It was nice to be in a community like this.

Earlier in the week, I received a letter from Rael. Eren did find him and hurt him as I thought but Rael told me not to worry about it. He told Eren nothing since there was nothing to tell but he made sure to tell Eren I was a good person. Knowing that Eren hurt Rael didn't make my opinion of him any higher though.

I made myself a plate of food and grabbed a bottle of wine. Nan gave me a good natured nod while people were dancing in the kitchen, singing tales about Andraste. I slipped out from the stuffy room and into the cold night. It was snowing again. I loved the bite of the cold on my hot cheeks. I managed to get to my room without any stops. I prayed at the chance at another year and ate slowly while reading another book.

I started to think at what the New Year was going to hold for me. How was I going to convince anyone to give me any training to fight? The only ones I could think were the guards but I'm not sure if I could ask them. With the New Year comes new hurdles and even more time to wait to go back home. I prayed I'll be able to make it.

9:28 Wintermarch/January 29th

I haven't had time to write. I had been accompanying Oriana everywhere in Ferelden after the New Year's Eve banquet, settling business deals, selling lands, writing all sorts of letters and correspondence to merchants and so on. Oren has gotten a handle on speaking thanks to my help. We finally had time to come back to Highever. Most of the snow has melted and the farmers are talking about an early spring. It would be good for them to get back on track with their harvest.

"It's good that Oriana found a capable woman like yourself Nia." Eleanor said. We were out near the gardens as I helped Oriana with her cross stitching.

"Oh Eleanor." Oriana shook her head.

"I am being serious my dear. It's hard to find good and loyal help like yourself. You take such good care of Oren as well and anyone that my grandson likes must be a good person." Eleanor nodded toward me. I nodded.

"Thank you. Truthfully Oren reminds me of my own son." I admitted, giving Oriana more colorful thread.

"I have heard you lost your family. I am so sorry." Eleanor said sincerely. I felt a stab in my heart but I nodded.

"Now Eleanor, we were talking about traveling to Amaranthine. Let's not mention her family." Oriana said quickly. Eleanor nodded. I did an inward sigh before a guard came by.

"My lady Eleanor, milord Bryce has requested your presence." The guard said.

"Oh what is bothering him now? Excuse me." Eleanor went off with the guard while Oriana quietly did her cross stitching. I absentmindedly played with my ring.

"Nia, may I ask something?" Oriana asked.

"Yes." I nodded.

"Where are you from originally?" Oriana asked. I bit my lip at her inquisitive stare. It wasn't something that anyone could accept, much less believe.

"Somewhere extremely far away, a place you can't reach through normal means. I was forced to come here. It wasn't my decision." I mumbled. Oriana gave me that calculating stare.

"Wherever you came from Nia, I hope you can return home one day. I'm sure they miss you terribly." Oriana said sincerely.

"I know they do." I sighed.

9:28 Guardian/February 12th

My stomach was in knots as Oriana led me to Bryce's study. I have seen him around the castle but I haven't talked with him personally since that day in Denerim. Oriana wasn't in a good mood either. I didn't know what this meeting was about but it involved me to an extent. I was really trying hard not to let my panic get the best of me. We arrived in Bryce's office where Eleanor, Bryce, and Eren were there. Eren was leaning against the wall. Eren scoffed and kicked off the wall.

"Really? Is this who you had in mind? A handmaiden who does not know anything about this city?" Eren sneered.

"Eren watch your language. I have overlooked your actions if only because you have earned your title of Captain of the Guard with your own effort but no more. This last debacle has only furthered the worsening opinion that the other nobles think of you." Bryce started.

"I don't care what the others think of me. My business is my own." Eren huffed.

"Unless it starts to affect us." Eleanor stated. Eren frowned.

"Your troubling behavior became worse as soon as we gave you Gilmore. For that, we will switch Gilmore with Nia. She will be your attendant." Bryce stated. I had to clench my teeth for my jaw not to drop. Eren did that for me instead.

"Are you sodding mad!?" Eren snapped.

"Language!" Eleanor reprimanded.

"I have no need for a nanny much less someone like her!" Eren pointed at me.

"It is either this or you will be grounded." Bryce threatened. When Bryce said it, even I felt afraid. Eren chewed the inside of his cheek and glared at me. I looked away, not wanting to get involved.

"Fine. I agree to this." Eren said calmly. Too calmly for my tastes. There was that look in his eyes, the look of a plan.

"At least you agreed." Eleanor mumbled. "Oriana I apologize for this. Nia will still take care of your letters in the evening."

"Then that means I'll-" Eren started.

"No. You will stay here in the evenings as well. No more nightly outing or late rotations." Bryce crossed his arms. Eren's face grew red with anger.

"Fine." He gruffly stated. Awkward didn't even begin to describe how I felt.

"You are dismissed. I will want reports on Eren's behavior should there be any changes, Nia." Bryce looked at me. I gulped and nodded earnestly. Eren walked from his place and I followed him out. He kept a brisk walk where I nearly had to jog to keep up with him. Then I realized that I was following him to his personal quarters. I braced myself for anything that might happen.

Once we were in his room, Eren started to take off his armor. I looked away politely, my hands folded in front of me. He put it on an armor stand and took out a rag and something in a pot. Eren's face was oddly calm but I wasn't about to let anything faze me either. This was weird for both of us.

"Come and shine my armor. Make sure you leave no blemish or I will give you more to do." Eren sneered. There it was. The scheme was dancing in his eyes. Fine, two can play at that game. Whatever he can dish out, I'll be there to take it. I took the rag and the polish. Eren sat at his bed and took out his sword and shield. The shield looked worn and I wondered why he didn't change it out for something newer. Eren caught me staring before I went back to shining his armor.

His armor was dirty as hell. I had to pull up my sleeves and take a few things down to even get it clean. I saw Eren smirking in my peripheral vision but I ignored him. He left the room but I didn't notice. My feet started to hurt but I was able to get everything to a shine and clean slate. I wiped my brow when I saw Eren stomp towards me with a bucket. I gasped in surprise when he dumped mud all over the armor.

"Clean it again." He sneered. I felt my anger rise in me again.

"You are such a jerk." I snapped. Eren's eyebrow twitched. Then he dumped the bucket on top of my head. I let out a frustrated grunt as I saw him saunter to his door and threw the bucket at his back.

"Ow! You little-" Eren stomped toward me again.

"Yeah go ahead and try to push me around like the rest! I am not going to stand for it!" I snapped.

"Do you have any idea who you are talking to?" Eren said in a low voice.

"Yeah I do, the stupid brat of the Cousland family." I retorted.

"I will not allow such insubordination while you are under my command!" Eren yelled.

"I'm not technically under your command because I'm not your soldier or a guard. I was placed here so I can make sure you stop being stupid. You really think I want to be in this position? You're an adult yet you failed at that so now you need someone to look after you. Hah, now how exactly does that look to you huh?" I crossed my arms. Eren gritted his teeth.

"I will make your life worse than the void." Eren threatened.

"Bring. It. On." I glared back. Eren flicked off the mud from my shoulder.

"I want this mess cleaned by the time I get back, if it isn't you'll need to shine all everything in the armory." Eren walked out and slammed the door. I let out a frustrated growl and kicked the bucket. I wiped off the mud from my hair. I had a feeling this was going to be a long assignment.

9:28 Guardian/February 17th

I hissed in pain as the blisters from all the cleaning that Eren kept on assigning me stung from being broken. I wasn't able to clean the mud fast enough and Eren watched as I did the whole armory. The only thing I couldn't touch was the sword and shield of Cousland. It took me all day and Eren watched, bored, but he wanted to break me. I knew he did but I wasn't going down so easy.

After that, I accompanied him at all of his rotations in the city. There was no riff raff to take care of which I was grateful for but my feet hurt from walking all over the city. Eren issued orders and commands. The men followed his word to the letter but I can tell a few of them wondered why I was hanging around. Punishment is what Eren said.

He made sure that his pace was faster than mine as well as trying to lose me on several occasions. Eren always had a face of disappointment whenever I would find him. The callouses on my feet grew slightly from following him. Then of course I had night duty taking care of Oriana. I haven't even been with Eren for a full week and I was already starting to become exhausted.

"Ow…" Another blister popped open on my hand as I was writing this. Curse Eren.

9:28 Guardian/February 30th

I washing clothes until my hands became sore, polishing armors and shoes, and I was running around chasing after Eren for more than two weeks now. I didn't think it would get worse.

It did.

I was flabbergasted as I lost Eren for the second time that day. Thanks to his constant walking, I was able to get a good look at the city so I didn't get lost. Eren was gone though. I scoffed and leaned against a building wall. The alleys here aren't as dangerous as Denerim so there were more people out and about. Carriages passed through on the street and I bit my lip as to where Eren went to this time. I retraced my steps and found a footprint in some mud. I took the hidden street and found what looked to be a warehouse.

My gut was telling me that this was where I was supposed to go. I went to jingle on the doorknob and found that it was open. I went in and recognized the armor on a stand. I looked at it in confusion. Why would Eren take off his armor? Then I heard another door open and Eren came in looking like a commoner. I gaped at him and he looked at me with surprise and then with anger.

"Andraste's flaming sword, how were you able to find me?" Eren rubbed his face.

"I'm just that good, obviously." I shrugged. "Now, put your armor back on. Your rotation ended and we have to get back to the castle." I went over to the armor stand to help put it on. Eren crossed his arms.

"No." Eren stated. I stopped and scowled.

"I think I had something in my ears, did you just say no?" I said sarcastically.

"I had hoped to play this charade for only a few days until I made your skin bled so that you would willingly give up. Apparently that was not the case. I have to admit, your determination is admirable although misguided as well. I am sick of playing this game however and will leave without you." Eren moved toward the door and I blocked him. He scoffed. "Are you serious in stopping me?"

"I was placed in order to watch you. I won't let you do something stupid." I replied. Eren frowned before moving faster than I could blink and punching me in the chest. My breath left me immediately and I keeled over on the floor, hacking and coughing.

"I grow tired of you and your uselessness. At first I thought scaring you away would be easy but you have a stubbornness of a mabari. How unbecoming of you." Eren chuckled. I cleared my throat and thought about the small knife hidden away in my apron. I wiped away the saliva that trickled down my chin as Eren opened the door. I rubbed my chest and got behind him. He looked back. "Impudent we-"

I pulled back my leg and kicked as hardest as I could on his family jewels. Now that he didn't have any armor, he couldn't protect them. He sputtered and keeled over just like me on the ground. He looked up at me with the meanest glare he could muster.

"You are the biggest douche I have ever met." I coughed again and then slapped him as hard as I could. He looked up with the biggest eyes I have ever seen. I nearly laughed when he cupped his cheek. "Stop acting like a brat Eren, it's really unbecoming on you." I sneered as I used his words against him. He gritted his teeth.

"How dare you-"He started and got up with his legs shaking.

"Yeah, yeah how dare I and such and such. This isn't a game to me Eren, not since the first day they put me together with you so, whether you like it or not, I'm not going anywhere. So either you accept that or I will kick you so hard in the balls again, you'll be coughing them up." I crossed my arms. Eren's legs become steadier. He chuckled and then it became a full blown laugh. I frowned.

"Ok I will have to give you some respect for what you have done." He cleared his throat. "Fine. You will accompany me for now. I will warn you though, where we going is not for the faint of heart."

"I've seen shit too so let's go." I huffed. Eren smirked.

"If you were not such a commoner, you might have stolen me for an evening." Eren commented.

"Ew, that's so gross. Ugh, mental image be gone!" I rubbed my head. Eren laughed. I think this was the first time things weren't so tense between us. I should have kicked him in the balls in the first place. We walked out from the warehouse and started to walk around the town. Eren kept on looking at me and he scoffed.

"Can you not be so formal in your stance? You feel like a maid." Eren said.

"Uh duh, I am a maid more or less." I replied. Eren frowned before taking me in a small alley. He took off my apron, took out my shirt that was tucked in, and messed my hair up. The small ting of metal was heard as my knife fell to the floor. "Hey! What was that for!?" I grabbed it in a hurry.

"No, you will not be able to stay where we are going." Eren mumbled, looking around and took a pair of pants off from someone's laundry and tossed them at me. "Wear those."

"What in the hell? Why?" I asked.

"Stop asking questions, are you going to come with me or not?" Eren snapped. I rolled my eyes. It was either this or getting left behind and I had a job to do, more or less.

"Don't look." I mumbled. Eren turned away and I took off my boots and pulled up the pants below my skirt before taking that off. I tightened the pants and held the skirt. "Ok, I'm good." Eren looked back, swiftly took my skirt, and threw it in a puddle of mud. "Hey!"

"You are not going to need that." Eren said. I let out a frustrated growl.

"You are such a jerk." I mumbled.

"And you are annoying. What a pair…" Eren scoffed. I followed Eren until the city became unrecognizable. There were more trouble around here, men that looked ready to fight, and I saw a few women that had less clothing. I stuck closer to Eren.

"Uh Eren? Where are we going?" I whispered.

"To follow a lead." Eren mentioned. I heard a guy snort behind me and I grabbed Eren's arm in fear. He gave me an annoyed look.

"Sorry." I mumbled, letting go of him. Soon the cobblestone faded away to dirt and the houses became shacks. We came to a place that literally threw one of their tenants out for shorting them on gold. Eren cleared his throat.

"We're here. Try not to make me look bad." Eren's accent suddenly changed to a drawl. I nodded and stuck close. We entered and it was a bar that was filed with all sorts of elves, humans, and even qunari. There were minstrels in the background and it was rowdy inside. Eren came up to the bar and slapped some copper down.

"Oi! Two pints o'er here!" Eren shouted. I was surprised at his sudden change.

"Comin'!" And we got two cups. Eren roughly handed me one before downing the one he had. I gulped and looked at him uncertainly. He gave me a glare. I need to drink in this type of environment. I never had much experience before with beer but I took a whiff. It smelled rank but I took a gulp anyway. I started to cough.

"Heh, come on, put some chest on that chest!" Eren slapped me on the back. A few guys gave him a salute. He put his arm around me and brought me close. "We have had disturbances in this bar and there are reports of someone using magic. There should be Templars coming any minute. After I go up to the rooms, follow me discreetly. You think you can manage that?" Eren whispered in my ear. To others it looked like something a man would do to his woman. I nodded and Eren slapped me on my back again. I gave him an annoying glare and he smirk playfully at me. He was a good actor that's for sure.

I sat on the bar stool while Eren got up and started talking to the bartender. He nodded and gave Eren a small key. Eren laughed while going toward the stairs. I took another gulp of the wretched beer, coughing, before giving it to the guy that was eyeing it next to me. I got up and went up the stairs. There were a few people up and more than five rooms. I wondered where Eren would be before I saw the emblem of the Cousland family on the floor next to a door. I swiftly picked it up and eyed the door.

I wasn't sure what to do in this situation. Eren only told me to follow him but I wasn't sure what else to do. I leaned against the wall. This place stunk like high heaven and there were men leering at me as they walked by. I was not comfortable here but I kept my head down and glared at anyone that went past. Something about this wasn't right though.

I heard a loud thump from the room and a grunt of pain. I put my ear on the door and I heard someone chuckling and the familiar ring of a sword hitting the floor. I cursed as I opened the door and I saw a woman in loose clothing, holding onto Eren's sword and he was amidst rubble. She turned to me and I stood stock still, everything going a blank in my mind. What was I supposed to do?

Eren took the momentary distraction and tackled her. They struggled on the ground before she knocked Eren off and froze his legs in place. Eren grunted in pain. I took out my small knife and the lady laughed at me.

"Do you really think you can fight me with that?" She summoned a fire in her palm. I shook uncontrollably and my heart was thumping like crazy in my heart. She walked closer to me, raising her palm. It was an instant reaction and I threw the knife at her and it stuck from her shoulder. She grunted in pain and looked at me with rage.

"Nia!" Eren shouted before I was pushed toward the ground. I felt the room shook as three armored Templars came in and deflected the fireball toward the ceiling. There was a minor fire in the room but I watched as the mage crumpled to the ground as the Templars took over. A few broke the ice on Eren's legs and helped him up.

"Thank you for your information young Cousland, we'll take it from here." The Templar nodded. Eren wiped a few of the ice crystals from his legs and nodded. Eren grabbed his sword and grabbed my arm. The people were scrambling out because of the random fire and Eren dragged me away. He clenched my arm and I had trouble finding my footing. We found ourselves in the city proper where Eren pushed me against the wall.

"What was that?" Eren asked lowly. "You could have gotten yourself killed! Do you not think before you act? I had everything under control!" Eren reprimanded me.

"Everything under control? In case I saw wrong, you crashed against the desk and she had your sword!" I shouted back.

"In any case, you made this much more difficult! If you had a weapon why did you not use it from the beginning?" Eren scoffed. My face went red with embarrassment. "Do you even know how to fight?" He asked. I bit my lip. He sighed and rubbed his face. "Of course you do not know."

I gritted my teeth. I hated being looked down upon but more so I hated being useless. This situation proved the fact that I am nothing; that I did nothing.

"Of course I don't know how to fight." My voice quivered. "I was only a cook beforehand with only my family to take care of. I didn't know anything, all I had was a normal life! I didn't ask for this!" My lip trembled as tears filled my eyes. "And now I can't go home and I lost everyone I love! I can't fight worth anything because I never needed to! I was normal, I had a normal life, I had kids, I had my husband! I didn't need to fight." I sobbed.

"Ah hey, you should not…" Eren panicked slightly, his hands waving slightly as he didn't know what to do. Eren sighed and rubbed his face as I kept on crying. "Then there's only one solution to this." I wiped my eyes and scowled.

"What's that?" I cleared my throat.

"I will teach you how to fight." Eren nodded. I gaped at him.

"Didn't I tell you that I didn't want to fight!?" I snapped.

"At this point it isn't a choice. You will learn to fight, you have the stupid notion that if you jump into a situation everything will turn out fine. As you saw there are many things that can go wrong and we were both lucky we got out alive." Eren explained.

"Didn't you say you had everything under control?" I wondered.

"That is not the point right now." Eren said. "I understand you lost everything but you cannot live your life in grief. You are under my command now and for that you will learn how to fight."

"What's that going to change?" I mumbled and looked at the ground. Eren chuckled and I looked at him.

"Everything." He smirked.

9:28 Drakonis/March 13th

"You have not been able to increase your stamina in these two weeks." Eren commented as I completed my third lap around the castle grounds. I tried not to puke like the first few times.

"I feel…like…I'm dying…" I wheezed out. I coughed again.

"You should be grateful that I am not making you run in your armor." Eren chuckled evilly.

"It came in?" I wondered, wiping my brow. Eren gave me a water skin and I drank like my life depended on it.

"Early this morning. The smithy came in early this morning to deliver it." Eren took the water skin. We went earlier in the week to take my measurements. Eren called me fat. I stomped on his foot for that.

"So…are you going to make me-" I started.

"Run laps with it on? Most likely but first we need to build your stamina. Summer is coming and I can't have you dying of heat stroke." Eren scoffed. I rolled my eyes.

"Hey, I have a question." I said.

"When do you not?" Eren huffed.

"Why do you talk so informally outside of the castle and then switch when you're back?" I wondered. Eren motioned with his head and I followed him toward the barracks.

"It's natural for me to switch to formal talk around the castle but within the guard it's different. They don't see me as the son of Bryce Cousland but my own man. I have earned their respect." Eren explained.

"And lost a lot of it because of your womanizing." I added. Eren glared at me and flicked my head. "Ow!"

"That is beside the point." Eren murmured.

"Um I think it's all the point. It's the reason why I'm here remember?" I said. Eren sighed.

"The reason why you're here is not solely because of that reason. There is another." Eren added.

"What?" I asked. We reached the barracks and it was an onslaught of activity, guards taking breaks, switching rotations, clocking in, and all that jazz.

"Of that I am not sure." Eren sighed and grabbed a box and pushed it over to me. "I still don't understand why my parents asked you to be a caretaker." Eren mumbled. I looked into the contents and it was the armor he ordered, the plain chainmail with the Highever symbol on the breastplate.

"I'm still writing the reports for your dad and telling him everything we go through. I got chewed out for that mage incident even if he did praise you." I explained, getting a glove and realized that it was extremely heavy.

"Good afternoon Captain." A few more guards passing us by. One gave a snicker when he saw me. I frowned and looked away. Eren grabbed the box and motion for me to follow him. We went inside an empty room where he grabbed a few clothes and put them on the desk with the box next to them.

"Put on the clothes and I'll show you how to put on your armor." Eren said. I had a silent moment and stared at him.

"In front of you?" I wondered.

"Yes. Where else?" Eren said bluntly.

"Geez, no decency huh? Turn around!" I snapped. Eren rolled his eyes and turned.

"It's not like you have anything to show." Eren mumbled. I threw one of the gloves at his back and he did a groan of pain. The clothes were plain but tight fitting, long sleeved shirt and leggings. I put on my socks and huffed.

"Alright I'm done." I said. Eren turned around and looked up and down before nodding. He grabbed the glove I threw at him.

"Put it on. The finger slots are here." Eren instructed me through every step and strap that I had to tighten. There was a reason for my tight clothes. It avoids bunching in certain areas and allows for a comfier fit. After I was done, I couldn't even move properly. It was almost like being in water with all my movements slowed down.

"Ugh…this thing weighs a ton…" I grumbled.

"Not as much, though for someone as inexperienced as you, it might as well be." Eren smirked. I stuck my tongue out at him. "Follow me, if you can."

"Yeah, yeah stop your pompous grinning or I'll kick your ass." I grunted in strain as I tried to walk in the armor.

"Such language is unbecoming on a young lady such as yourself." Eren laughed. We went out of the barracks.

"Screw you." I mumbled, very much liking for this day to be over.

"Many have." Eren commented. I rolled my eyes.

9:28 Drakonis/March 29th

I landed in a heap on the ground. The armor made it very uncomfortable but my body was feeling so exhausted it didn't care. I looked at the pink sky as dusk was settling into night. My hair was stuck to my temple from the sweat and my pants turned into coughs.

"Please don't yack. It would be the first time in three days." Eren commented, throwing the water skin on top of my head. It felt pleasing and cool.

"Oh that feels good." I moaned, pressing the water skin on my eyes. Eren sat next to me on the ground.

"Two laps around the castle. You are getting better." Eren said.

"Jesus, only two? It felt like a hundred…" I struggled to get up and Eren helped me. I greedily gulped down the water until there was nothing left. "So how long until I get used to this?"

"It will take time. You're so weak." Eren chuckled. I kicked his foot.

"Jerk." I rolled my eyes.

"You should be grateful that I am training you. Many have flocked to be my squire." Eren said haughtily. I rolled my eyes

"It's not that I'm grateful but I am going to complain." I stuck my tongue out. Eren gave me an irritated glare. "What? Did I get at your enormous ego?"

"Just because you've proven more than an occasional nuisance doesn't mean that you should still disobey me." Eren mumbled.

"I follow your orders and stuff when you train me. It's the other half I really don't like dealing with. You actually act like a normal person when you're training me. Then you get this look where it looks like you're a dog in a prideful stance and you want me to tell you good boy." I explained. Eren coughed.

"What?" Eren asked.

"That's how you look like to me. Just because you're good at something doesn't mean that I'm going to praise you every single time. I'm giving you my thanks for the training by following it. You could at least drop the whole 'I'm still better than you,' thing." I shrugged.

"That's because..." Eren started before sulking again. I rolled my eyes and I sighed as night settled. The wind was cold in the night. Eren and I had a silent moment as I gathered the strength to go back to the castle. He seemed to be almost lost in thought.

"I have to be prideful of the things I earn." Eren said quietly. "I am the son of a Teryn. I was raised to be fit for a king. I schooled under scholars, trained with elite soldiers, and I managed everything with my will. I became Captain of the Guard with my skills, I have won tournaments and women throw themselves at me. Why shouldn't I be proud of what I have done?" Eren asked.

"It's one thing to be happy with the things you've done. It's another where you let that pride get to you and you start thinking that you're better than everyone. Does a King think solely of himself and let's his people die in front of me because of pride? Because if he does, he isn't a good king." I replied. Eren bit his lip.

"I hate to admit it but you have a point." Eren mumbled. I beamed. "Oh don't look so cheerful, it's disgusting." Eren glared. I laughed.

"At least I got through that thick skull of yours and have eased the giant stick up your ass." I added. I was holding my ribs from laughing so much.

"That's a very pleasant picture." Eren said sarcastically. "Well, that's enough rest for today. Let's go back in the castle." Eren got up. I struggled to sit up and he gave me his hand so I could stand up. We went through the castle gates and Eren ruffled my hair before going toward his room. I went to my own and took off my armor. It was easier to breathe without it on. I stretched out my aching muscles and went to write my report for Bryce and to review the letters for Oriana. As tired as I was, I had a job to do and I had to do it well.

9:28 Cloudreach/April 14th

"Your reports of his behavior for the past month have been very consistent. I have seen a massive change in my son thanks to your guidance." Bryce commented, reading my reports. I bowed or tried to. I was afraid that if I bowed for real, I would end up on the floor thanks to the armor.

"I try my best my lord." I said politely. He nodded. I noticed that his study was very different from Eleanor's and Oriana's. It's to be expected from a war veteran though. There were various weapons that weren't of Fereldan make, stuffed heads that I couldn't recognized, and even a portrait that had utilized real drake scales.

"I am pleased to see these changes in my son and in you Nia." Bryce folded his hands on his desk after putting down my reports.

"My lord?" I wondered.

"The very act of taking a sword to protect him has garnered my respect. I hope you will do your best to take care of my child." Bryce nodded. I gulped and bowed again. "Considering his behavior has improved, I will only need monthly reports instead of weekly. You may leave." I saluted him and walked out. I let out the breath that I've been holding and rolled my shoulders. Bryce was a very intimidating man.

The warm wind blew as I walked from the study and out into the open courtyard of the castle. Today was my day off and I didn't know what to do. I ended up back in my room writing a letter to Rael again. There was another incident in the Alienage from what he told me. Things are getting worse. I try to give him as much as my pay as I could. He got mad and told me that I should have kept it for myself. He's still very grateful for what I send him though.

I really wished that I could see him again. Hanging out with the guard was fun but I know they still looked down on me since I haven't gotten much experience. I was a green horn to them who have been training since they were young boys. I played with my ring again. The loneliness was still there but I was dealing with it the best that I could. In four months, I would have already been here for a year now.

The questions burned at the back of my mind and I wondered about my family. I couldn't think too much about them though. I was trying to do everything I can in order to stay sane and find my way back to them.

9:28 Cloudreach/April 23rd

I had another fade dream. This time it was where most of my family lived, a country away from where I was. I nearly tripped from another pot hole that was in front of me. As much as I loved my extended family, where they lived always grossed me out. Halo was near my side but it always made sure to stay a small distance away from me. Yes, Halo is halo because he looks like a Halo.

The silence freaked me out. Where I used to see people walking to and fro, cars rushing in and out of traffic, with the sounds of people busy about their day was completely empty. I groaned slightly and I looked up. The various islands were there as usual with the largest island in near dead center. I asked Halo about the Black City. It told me it didn't know what it was only that it was extremely dangerous.

We walked as we usually did. I would see wisps here and there floating on by. Halo described that they are curious about my dreams. They were very different from the other dreamers. These were places they have never seen before. Halo told me not to interact with them. They are easily swayed by a human's emotions if you're not careful.

I got bored though once the creepiness started to wane. It was always like this. All I do is walk through my memories of where I had gone and then I would wake up. Halo would always keep quiet unless there was a dangerous spirit near me and it would force me awake. Besides that one time when I met a compassion spirit, there was nothing to do here.

The one thing I noticed whenever I traveled through these areas was the farther I was away from the point where I woke up, the weirder the landscape got. Halo explained that the fade has trouble shaping dreams the further I walk and things tend to get weird which is why I would find floating homes or light poles.

"Well this is certainly a peculiar case." I heard off to the side. Halo immediately came in front of me. There was a young man dressed in very dark colors with a hood over his head. There was a mage staff on his back and I could feel Halo's demeanor change. "There has never been a time when I found a dreamer here. I thought nobody could even gain this ability."

'You need to wake up.' Halo pushed against me.

"Come now, don't be frightened. I won't hurt you. I merely wish to speak." He moved closer. Halo shined really bright in front of me.

'Stay back.' Halo demanded.

"Such a rare spirit that you've found. Might I ask your name?" He asked. I felt Halo's energy raise and it made me get goosebumps.

"I want to ask yours first." I calmed down. Spirits are warped by your own expectations. I tried not feeling fear. He laughed.

"Oh it's a human custom to introduce yourself first isn't it?" He took off his hood and I couldn't help but deny the immediate attraction I felt. "Ardor you may call me. Now, your name?"

'No.' Halo denied. I rolled my eyes.

"My name is Nia. Halo is protective." I said. Halo huffed. "You should know that you shouldn't judge a book by its cover." Halo turned away with a pout. Ardor laughed.

"So interesting. Are you a mage?" Ardor circled around. I kept my guard up but not enough to influence me. "No, there isn't a spark in you. Odd. Were you forced into the fade? No, if you were you wouldn't be so…aware."

"I'm not really sure why. This happens a few times a month actually." I commented. Halo gave me a disgruntled snort. "Hey I have a right to ask questions."

"Of course." Ardor chuckled. "Not a mage and yet you walk and you know more than what you let on. Tell me, how do I look to you?"

"You look like a regular mage…but you're not." I described. Ardor smirked.

"Very clever. Indeed I am not a mage but you could say that I am a collector of strange oddities that I come across in the fade. Many things have acquired my interests to the smallest wisps who know a curiosity to those rare and rarely found spirits of Wisdom. The very fact that I even found a protection spirit has, how do you humans call it, made my day?" Ardor laughed.

"Then if you know so much then can you tell me why I keep going into the fade even though I'm not a mage?" I asked. Halo kept on waving itself in front of me but I kept on staring at Ardor.

"Unfortunately I have no answer to that. I have traversed the fade but the only way for a normal human to come into the fade and be aware is if it's forced through lyrium or…" Ardor gave a side glance to Halo. "A powerful spirit."

'This talk is over now.' Halo shined brightly and for a second I thought I saw Halo turn into a different shape but I was in the waking world before I was able to catch it. I blinked in the low light and rubbed my eyes.

"I hate dreams like that. It makes me feel like I didn't sleep at all." I groaned. Ardor gave a look to Halo and even he said that Halo is a rare spirit. It had to be powerful enough to send me in the Dragon Age world in the first place. Could Halo be bringing me in the fade on purpose? And why? Oh boy, more and more questions that I have no answers to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have to admit, I like re-reading my work but I also have to re-read it so I can make sure I'm not repeating conversations later on though this stuff isn't too important besides the Halo stuff.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nia is starting to learn more and more on how to use weapons and travel in her armor. Bit by bit, she is learning the things required to at least to get Flemeth but Eren is still being a jerk about it all.

9:28 Bloomingtide/May 17th

I panted as I finished my tenth lap. The sun was high in the sky and I smelled like high heaven. I was able to run in this ridiculous armor. Every single time I took it off, I felt how light I was on my feet. Eren nodded in satisfaction and threw me the water skin. I finished it off and I wiped the sweat off my brow. I gave him the water skin and we went back into the castle.

"Good job. I was sure to think it would take time to master your armor but you've surprised me yet again. Of course you've only got so far with my expertise. For that, it's time to take the next step in your training; how to fight." Eren explained. I felt an anxious knot and I breathed out.

"I knew this was going to come sooner or later." I sighed.

"Yes it was." Eren said, going into the training grounds that are reserved for the squires and trainees. We went into the small armory and there were various wooden swords, generic shields, and training dummies. Eren passed me two wooden swords and they were extremely heavy.

"Holy shit, how can you even swing these?" I exclaimed. Eren laughed and shook his head.

"You'll get used to them. These wooden swords are not as heavy as the real swords." Eren described.

"Then why the hell am I using these?" I groaned, as I lifted each one.

"To build strength of course. Once we build your muscles in the arms with these, practicing with the real ones will not take too much time. Come, your training starts now. Jeffery!" Eren called out. One of the trainees that was with a training dummy came by. "You and she will start your mock battle. Don't stop until one of you gets disarmed or are unable to fight."

"Oh you have got to be kidding me!" I shouted.

"Best way to learn is through experience of course! You should be grateful that I am overseeing your training personally." Eren announced.

"I'm beginning to really dislike you!" I growled.

"Less talking, more fighting. Begin!"

I was massacred. Ok that was a bit of a stretch but I got my ass whupped in a manner of speaking. I could barely raise the wooden swords to defend me let alone get an attack in. Jeffery knocked the swords out of my hand in no time flat. I have a few bruises on my forearms thanks to that. I hissed in pain and rubbed the areas where he hit. Eren tsked at me.

"Such horror. You have no stance, you left yourself wide open, and you didn't even get a hit in." Eren graded me.

"I told you I have no experience fighting." I mumbled. Eren pushed me back in the ring and gave me the wooden swords. He made me lift them up through force and put both swords in front of me. He shifted my feet and made me do a minor hunch.

"There, remember that stance. It's a good defensive stance to protect your vitals. Since you have no experience, then we need to get you focused on how to protect yourself. How to swing a sword comes later." Eren nodded at Jeffery and he went back in front of me.

"Oh come on!" I moaned.

"It's better to fill your days with experience." Eren smirked.

"Oh wipe that grin off your f-"

"Begin!"

9:28 Bloomingtide/May 30th

"Ow, ow, ow…" I hissed as I rubbed the Elfroot that Aldous gave me over my bruises and cuts. I was able to swing one sword but the weight through off my balance. It was a testy thing to use but at least I was able to swing. I looked at myself at the large mirror that Eren gave me to look at my bruises better. I was extremely surprised at the way I looked.

I never really saw myself after all this training. Most of the time I would take a bath and then knock out on the bed only to rise as soon as Eren pushed down my door. For once I was able to really look at myself. All the fat that was on my body was nearly all gone. Instead I was fit and lean and dark. The freckles were more pronounced on my face thanks to all the training in the sun. It felt good. I flexed and admired myself before rubbing more Elfroot on myself. The worst were my hands. I had blisters and callouses everywhere. It seemed like my hand was a gigantic callous.

I was sad at that if only because I really like the fact that I was able to keep my hands feminine looking even with my cook job. It was hard to do that with the high temperatures and constant hand washing. I was able to then but now…my hands look like man hands. Oh well.

I poked at my blisters as I wrote. They stung but every blister came a step forward with my training. In truth I was beginning to like it. I was never so interested back home. Really the only time I even held a knife was when I had to cut and prepare food. Being able to train with wooden swords gave me a sort of power that left me with an anxious bubble in my stomach, a good one. The thought that I'll have to fight against real people leaves me shaking. I really don't know what I would do in that situation.

I had to fight against that guy in Denerim but that was different. All I knew was what Rael showed me. What Eren was showing me was how to effectively kill someone. It wasn't a thought I really like having in my head. I guess I'll cross that bridge once I come to it. Until then, I had to do what I can and learn all I can. I can't be a burden to the future Hero of Ferelden.

9:28 Justinian/June 9th

"Halo you can't just keep telling me to keep away from everything. Spirits aren't good or bad inherently. All spirits can offer you something." I explained to Halo. We were near a lake while I was sitting on top of rubble while Halo huffed again. There were a few wisps hanging around, mostly out of curiosity.

'Demons. Danger.' Halo said for the umpteenth time. I groaned and rubbed my face in exhaustion.

"They only turn into demons because they expect you to. Wisdom can turn into Pride, Love can turn into Lust, and visa versa. You need to keep an open mind Halo. You remember Ardor? I knew he was kinda fishy but in the end was able to at least give me some sort of answer you know?" I said. Halo puffed out its chest before floating on top of the lake's surface, pouting again.

I was trying to convince him that yes the fade is a dangerous place but all spirits have knowledge that you can use. In the back of my mind, I knew that Ardor was some sort of desire demon because of the way I felt attracted to him but I ignored it and used my open mindedness in order to gain more info. Halo was having none of it though. It seemed that he was a very black and white type of spirit that only saw good spirits and bad demons.

It wasn't hard to explain its behavior away. If Ardor was right and Halo was a protection spirit, then it would try to protect me from harmful spirits but not all spirits are harmful if you don't think they are. Even then, I knew that I couldn't be so easygoing. I had to keep an edge here otherwise I might get in over my head. The fade was still a very new place to be in and it's more dangerous to me since I couldn't even use magic.

Instead, I tried to imagine the weight of the wooden sword that I used to practice with. The rivets on the handle, the smooth texture of the wood, the weight and shape of it. The first few times were odd pieces of it, not the whole thing. Eventually I had the whole sword and soon I was practicing my stances and swings in the fade. As I was going so, Halo kept on giving me small over the shoulder looks but never coming over to my side.

I sighed, putting my sword in my makeshift scabbard. I walked over to the lake but ignored the water. It didn't even ripple as I walked across it. Halo looked over before huffing again. I took out my hand and reached out.

"I'm sorry." I said sincerely. I bit my lip and closed my eyes. Then I felt a warmth on my hand. Halo had shrunk itself and settled on my hand. If love could feel like a physical object, Halo would be it. It was almost like I was able to feel what Halo feels for me. It was so beautiful I can't even begin to describe it. I started to tear up before I felt a goofy smile on my lips break out.

I woke up with tears in my eyes. I could feel the change in Halo and it made me feel fuzzy inside.

I got up and put on my armor in record time. I used cold water to wash my face and comb my hair. I came out just as Eren was about to knock on my door.

"Training…time." Eren had a shocked face. I giggled.

"Good Morning! Is it time for our ten laps around the castle? Considering that the sun isn't up yet, it is! Let's go!" I pumped my fist and taking the lead. I looked back and Eren gave me a confused look. "Well? Let's go."

"Did something good happen?" Eren asked as he stood next to me.

"Yes." I giggled.

"Are you going to tell me?" Eren asked.

"Nope! It's my secret." I felt my face flush as I remembered how Halo felt like. I felt the goofy smile before giggling again. "I'll race you to the starting point!" I sprinted through the main gate. As the guards looked at me with wide-eyed wonder, I felt that my feet were light as feathers. I went in front of the main gardens, panting but feeling good. From the small hill I saw the two moons retreating, which were so cool and the light of morning already dying the sky into pinks and oranges. Eren finally caught up and smacked me on the back.

"I don't know why you are so spirited but I'll use this to my advantage. 15 laps with a few water breaks of course." Eren nodded.

"Yes Eren sir!" I saluted. Eren raised his eyebrow.

"I'm not really sure why you are following my orders so readily but no matter. I might as well use this while it lasts. Now go."

9:28 Justinian/June 16th

"Gah!" I felt the breath knocked out of me again as Jeffery knocked me on my ass. It took him a minute though. I'm able to block his attacks for the most part now. That bout took 10 minutes because I was able to see his incoming attack which was a huge improvement. I coughed before sitting up, the hot sun on my head and my hair up in a ponytail.

"Not bad, you're starting to get better. Of course none of my brilliance has even shined in you." Eren helped me up. I rolled my eyes at him. Jeffery gave me a nod of respect. I rubbed my cheek from when Jeffery's sword hit me. "Here." Eren offered me some water and I drank my fill. "You are able to defend yourself but you should try attacking. Anxiety on the field can be the difference from saving a life to having yours snuffed." Eren explained.

"I know but even if I can lift these things, it still takes a moment to swing you know?" I sighed. Eren frowned.

"You said you were a cook, when you weren't using it how did you hold your knife?" Eren asked. I raised my eyebrow but I switched the blade from pointing forward to where I held the hilt and the wooden sword, with where the blade would be, is against my forearm.

"This way I won't accidentally stab anyone when I was walking through the kitchen." I nodded. It felt right to hold it this way.

"Then fight that way as well." Eren suggested. I frowned.

"Are you sure? Won't this actually hurt me instead?" I asked. Eren shook his head.

"Not unless you know how to handle it. With this the blade would be close to your body but it also gives you an advantage of using your fists. There are also benefits of being able to bring your fist close to your opponent and, with it, your blade. It can give you a clear way to the throat." Eren noticed my grimace. "Or your fist can do the talking. Jeffery, take a break." Eren came and got the wooden swords and stood in front of me. "Begin."

"You sure Eren? I'm not-" I started before Eren quickly closed the gap in front of us and had his wooden sword at my throat.

"That is how fast you can die. Don't hesitate and come at me. I would have hoped that you would learn with that small mind of yours but clearly that was giving you too much credit. Now you are going to train under my rules. Be ready." Eren said in a low voice. He walked over to where he was before and went into a stance. I gulped but I had to trust in Eren. I switched the other wooden sword to the way I was holding the other one. I had to start learning how to fight for real. There's no other way.

I got beat but I got up. I can see where Eren was coming from. Instead of following the blade in the other hold, I was following my hand this time. It seemed more natural to me. I decided to take Eren's offer and learn in this manner.

9:28 Solace/July 3rd

How to throw a good punch: Form a fist but keep a small space in between your closed fist, keep your thumb near your fingernails, and hit with your knuckles not the flat side. You have to have good balance and throw your weight behind your punches to hit hard. Forearm and bicep strength is a big factor as well as timing to land the second one. Why am I explaining this? It's because I finally got my official weapon and punching things are on the list now.

Every single day since Eren showed me my new stance, I have been practicing almost religiously to get it down pat. I would fight against Eren and several other trainees in order to practice my footwork and how to use the wooden swords. I would be feeling like a purple bruise but in the end it paid off. I was able to parry instead of just defending, landing attacks when I saw the opportunity, and even including moves that weren't part of the overall guard training.

Eren noticed that I had good balance and I was quick on my feet. My laps turned into sprints where I would be forced to change my direction at the drop of a hat. Turning here and turning there while evading whatever Eren had to throw at me, usually rocks. I would have to evade while keeping a fast pace. It was almost like suicides in basketball.

With that I added a few kicks to my routine and, with my small body, a few rolls too. Eren said that having it would be extremely handy. Eren was slowly training me in a rogue style instead of a warrior style, taking my quick footedness and small stature into an immense advantage. I started to win against the trainees here and there. Every single time I did, I would look to Eren with my big and goofy grin. He would add a usual quip of how my uselessness is starting to wane and I would throw my wooden weapon. In all good fun though.

My new weapon?

Knuckle daggers.

"So this is something you have training in?" Eren asked. I gave him a small design on what I think suited me best. He tweaked it a little as we sat in his study right next to Aldous' right before we sent it off to get it made.

"Somewhat. I used to own a pair back home. I feel more comfortable with it than a regular dagger. Even with my knives I was scared to hold them in case I accidentally stabbed someone." I sheepishly chuckled. Eren frowned.

"You know you might need to do that eventually." Eren said, nodding at the finished design.

"Do what?" I asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Stab someone with intention." Eren replied. I bit my lip and looked away, looking at the fireplace that illuminated the small room. I heard him sigh and rub his face. "It's something that you can't prepare for no matter what but it will eventually come down to that." Eren brought his hands together in front of him. He had a faraway look to his eye.

"What…um…when…?" I couldn't phrase it right. I sighed. Eren frowned.

"That's a story for another day. Now, I wanted to ask this for a while. You've mention you lost your entire family, it even shows on the records. Yet when you speak about them, it's as almost as if you believe they are alive, why?" Eren asked seriously. The pit in my stomach dropped to the floor. I knew this would come eventually. I would have given myself away if it wasn't for what Oriana did for me. I pouted, trying to come up with a believable lie. I decided to hell with it.

"My family is still alive, they're not dead." I confessed. Eren smirked.

"I knew it. Then why lie?" He crossed his arms and asked.

"Because I can't go back home, not yet at least. It's…difficult to explain." I sighed and rubbed my face, feeling the weight coming off my back. Eren leaned against the table and stared at me. "You're going to keep wondering until I tell you huh?"

"You are finally admitting it after so long so you might as well indulge me. Now, as you were saying?" Eren motioned with his hand. I chuckled.

"Well…it's kinda sorta unbelievable really. I'm not even sure if you're going to see it as the truth. Heh." I took a deep breath. "I'm not from Ferelden."

"That is expected." Eren snorted.

"I'm not from Thedas entirely." I confessed. Eren gave me a confused look.

"Then are you from the west? The lands that have no blight?" Eren asked. I shook my head. "From across the ocean? I mean that might as well have been a suicide mission but…" Eren took note of my solemn expression.

"I'm not from this world at all…" I whispered. Eren stared at me, waiting for me to continue. "I got into an accident, one where I would have lost my life and…something pulled me into this world." I leaned my chin into my hand, remembering all the things that happened on that first night. "I couldn't believe it, I didn't want to believe it at all!" I got up from my chair and started to pace. "I mean, how could that happen to an ordinary person you know? I was just minding my own business and boom, I'm about to die. I'm about to die and that's that right? No. Lo and behold, I got saved, pulled by some weird spirit thingy or something, I don't know!" I ranted with Eren watching me carefully. He closed the door discreetly during my rant.

"I get pulled and wow, I'm saved! Then the world turns grey, green, and weird and then I fall again into freezing and shit smelling water of the Drakon river while a boat is burning almost right next to me. I'm freaking out you know, like hard panicking before I realized I needed to swim or drown. I swam to safety and realized I was in a place where I realized I shouldn't be in! I was like, what in the hell? Then I nearly died when I was covered in cuts and they were infected and Rael saved me. So now I've been here in Ferelden for nearly a year and only God knows how my family is doing!" I panted. I wiped at the stray tears. "All I wanted to do was go home and I don't even know how to do that. They need me, my kids need their mother, and my husband needs me for sure! God!" I kicked at the table before finally collapsing in a crumpled heap next to the fireplace.

The warmth of the fire was making me sweat as I brought my knees up to my chest, armor be damned. All I did was stare at the floor, wiping at my tears. It felt good to let this all out but, at the same time, it brought out all the feelings I kept hidden. I sighed after feeling more composed. I stood up but refused to look at Eren in the eye.

"So yeah, there you go." I shrugged my shoulders. "That's what, where I came from. So go ahead and label me as an insane, idiotic, stupid girl or whatever." I huffed. I heard Eren coming up to me and braced myself for anything that he was going to say or do to me.

"Look at me." Eren said sternly. I shook my head. Eren sighed. "Look at me or I'm going to force you." I hesitantly looked up. Eren crossed his arms.

"You are an insane, idiotic, stupid girl." Eren repeated. I was going to kick his balls again when he put up a hand. "Although this story is extremely unbelievable and I have no studies on the fade or spirits, something about the way you explain sounds...plausible."

"Are you ser-" I started.

"Regardless." Eren interrupted. "It does not matter your origins, who you left behind, or anything from the past." Eren put his hand on my shoulder and looked at me square in the eye. "You are my guard, you are the one I am entrusting to watch my back, and to defend me from those who cause harm to me or my family. I trust you. It's a stretch I admit but your feelings for your missing family are there. You will get to see them again I am sure of it." Eren nodded.

"You know...you actually sound nice right now? It's really weird." I said. Eren growled and threw his hands up in exasperation.

"Why thank you, you ruined the moment." Eren rubbed his face. I laughed.

"Sorry, sorry...ok serious moment again. Thank you. You don't understand how much this really means to me, I mean that. Thank you." I said sincerely. Eren looked over at me and rolled his eyes.

"You can be such a pain in my ass but I have to admit, my life has been interesting since you've been here." Eren smirked.

"I'm here to please but...can I take a day off? I'm...really exhausted." I whimpered though I didn't mean for it to come out like that. Eren rubbed his face and nodded.

"One day and then I want to see that obnoxious, annoying, and tenacious guard after that." Eren flicked my head. I nodded. I went out of the study and went back to my room. I took off my armor and laid in bed, looking at the ceiling. After the cry earlier, I really wanted to cry some more but all I felt was a big empty hole inside of me. As if there were no more tears to cry or that I was getting used to being away from my family. I didn't like that one bit.

9:28 Solace/July 21st

"Ow!"

"I told you not to run your finger across the blade!" Eren berated me as my knuckle dagger fell on the training ground.

"But I wanted to check if it was sharp! You told me you got it sharpened!" I stood there, holding my left wrist while my thumb bled like crazy. It was an odd habit of flicking the blade to check it's sharpness. It's what I always did with my cooking knives but daggers are on a sharpness all their own.

"All the training that we put in and it got dull, of course I got it sharpened!" Eren shouted at me while flinging a handkerchief at my face. "Now stop bleeding so we can pick it up again." Then a guard came and saluted.

"Milord, your presence is required in the main hall." He said.

"Why?" Eren asked.

"Rendon Howe and his family has come to visit." The guard replied. A pit in my stomach fell to the ground and the blood rushed out of my face. Eren must have noticed my unease.

"I understand, tell my father I'll be coming in half an hour." Eren said. My cut was already turning into a scab before Eren got my arm and started to drag me. I was able to pick up my fallen dagger in an instant, not wanting to forget it.

"Eren! Hey!" I struggled.

"Stop. We'll need to be presentable for Howe's family." Eren continued to drag me despite my protests all the way to his room. He made me stand in the corner before taking off his armor and getting another set that was much cleaner. He gave me polish and a rag. "Clean your armor as fast as you can." Eren said gruffily. I sat on the bed, taking off my own armor and doing what he said.

"Is there something that I'm missing? Why are you so mad all of a sudden?" I wondered. Eren scoffed.

"Howe and his family is here. This means that my father and he are going to start to bore us with their old war stories, my mother and his wife are going to gossip, his son is going to be annoying, and then they're going to try to set me up with his daughter." Eren scorned the last part.

"Well that sucks." I laughed.

"You have no idea but you need to be presentable for them so keep on shining." Eren said.

"Aren't you going to be a little embarrassed that you'll have me as your glorified nanny?" I asked. Eren scoffed.

"You are not my nanny. You are my personal guard and I expect you to act that way too. Try not to say anything that will get on Howe's wife's bad side. That women is a demon in disguise." Eren shivered.

"I can tell that this is going to be a fun meeting on my part…" I mumbled.

9:28 Solace/July 21st

When I first saw Howe in the game, I really didn't like him. I didn't know how far he would go until I played through the noble walkthrough. It was then when I realized he was a despicable human being. His face resembled a fox and his voice was a mixture of a sneer and fake politeness. I stayed back while Howe's family and Eren's family interacted. I could tell that Eleanor was very stiff with Howe's wife.

Then there was Delilah. She was definitely younger than Eren but had so much make up caked on her, it was hard to tell. She had on jewels that shined in the light, earrings that even I envied but it was all a bit too much in my opinion.

The dinner started while I had to stay out on the wall watching them. Bryce and Howe were laughing at their war stories while everyone was listening to them. The manners were all impeccable on the Howe's side while Eren and Fergus kept on being playful with Oriana and Eleanor trying to keep them out of trouble.

I was bored out of my mind and extremely hungry. The delicious smell wafting into my nose wasn't making things better either. I noticed that Howe's wife was watching Delilah carefully. It must suck to be in their home with her around.

"I've noticed that Nathaniel couldn't come again." Bryce mentioned. My ears perked at that.

"Yes, his pilgrimage in the Free Marches has kept him busy. He writes often though and I try my best at replying." Howe said.

"Too bad Eren and he cannot duel like old times! I was always curious at which one would be stronger." Bryce took a sip of his drink.

"Wouldn't the duel be between Nathaniel and I father?" Fergus commented.

"No, that would be too easy of a fight for you Fergus." Eleanor chuckled. Everyone did a light chuckle but the Howe's were more strained than the rest.

"I must say though Eren, it seems that your handling of the guard is impressive. The streets are impeccably safe compared to Denerim." Howe praised.

"More can still be done. My job is never over." Eren shrugged with pride. Fergus laughed and slapped his back.

"The ever working man! Of course that only comes about in between romps!" Fergus laughed. Eren glared at him.

"Fergus!" Eleanor reprimanded. I rolled my eyes. Of course they were going to talk about that.

"Isn't it about time to settle down? A man like yourself should already have some prospects." Howe looked toward his daughter and she smiled on cue.

"I am not looking for anything right now." Eren replied and frowned.

"Such a shame, a man of your talents could make any woman very happy." Howe commented.

"Or maybe he already has one." Howe's wife immediately looked at me. I looked away from the table and resumed my stance.

"Her? She's my guardian." Eren said quickly. Howe laughed.

"A guardian? The Captain of the Guard needs one? I thought you were very capable on your own." Howe's words dripped with sarcasm.

"It's better to have eyes in the back of your head or a dangerous woman holding a knife." Bryce laughed and slapped Howe's back. Howe's smirk nearly faltered. I almost wanted to laugh.

In the end, the dinner party ended with no more sarcastic quips from Howe and everyone started to retreat into their rooms. I followed Eren out and he dragged me by my arm. I growled in frustration.

"Hey what is the big-" I started.

"I need you to come with me." Eren snapped. I growled in frustration. We went out of the castle and toward the hill where I would start my training. Eren paced in front of me as I stood there watching him. I sighed trying to figure out where this was all coming from.

"Why? Is it so hard to understand I have no interest in settling down? And yet they keep at it with, you must meet the daughter of this noble or how about Delilah that's years younger than me! You saw how tacky she looked with all the make up on her face. What is this notion that I can't be my own self-made man!?" Eren ranted, huffing and crossing his arms. I stared at him before nearly collapsing in laughter. "I have yet to see the amusement in this situation." He glared at me.

"You're such a spoiled brat!" I breathed out, grabbing my ribs because they were hurting from how much I was laughing.

"What did you say!?" Eren yelled. I caught my breath while chuckling a few times.

"Really? That's the thing that you wanted to tell me? You can't be a self-made man? Uh if you haven't forgotten Eren when you're a noble, you're going to get force into political marriages duh. I mean, you with your brilliant mind couldn't figure that out?" I chuckled.

"But I have done so much to make them realize that I have a choice!" Eren growled in frustration.

"Look Eren if your parents allowed Fergus to marry Oriana who was from Antiva, I'm pretty sure they'll let you marry someone of equal value from any other place not just Ferelden. I don't see why you're making a big deal about it." I shrugged.

"I hate having my life planned out for me." Eren pouted. I rolled my eyes.

"Eren no matter where you go, you can't forget your roots. You'll always be the son of Bryce Cousland. There are things that will be expected from you. As much as you don't want that, you'll have to live with it. Believe me, you have the means to make anything of yourself. You have that luxury of being able to choose your way of life..." I looked down. "Not many people have the choice. So go ahead and rant all you want but remember there are people that would kill to be in your position right now." I said solemnly. Eren stared at me before huffing. "Anyway if that's all you called me out here to say, I'm going back to my room. I'm exhausted." I walked down the hill.

"You don't need to follow me during Howe's stay. I don't want any more misunderstandings between you and me." Eren called out.

"Yeah, yeah." I agreed.

"I had better not catch you behind me!" Eren yelled.

"I get it!" I shouted back.

"I am serious! If I catch you, it's 50 laps and never ending practice duels!" Eren shouted.

"Fine! Jesus Christ! Shut up already!" I shouted. I rolled my eyes. What a prick.

9:28 August 1st

"The castle feels…different today." I said as we walked through and the workers were very somber. Eren sighed.

"Do you even know what day is it today?" Eren sneered.

"Uh…" I mumbled.

"Today is All Soul's Day. We remember those who have passed on. Many often light bonfires or a candle for their families that have passed. The Chantry lights a giant bonfire to remember Andraste. It's not a pleasant day. Many lost their families in the war against Orlais and those wounds are still fresh." Eren sighed.

"Then can I light a candle too?" I asked.

"You have lost someone?" Eren wondered. I nodded. "That's fine. We can get a candle in front of the Chantry."

"I don't want to light it at the Chantry though." I said. Eren looked at me with a raised eyebrow. "I don't worship Andraste." He bumped me on the head. "Ow!"

"Try not to say that out loud. People can be sensitive to those words." Eren warned. I rubbed my head.

"You didn't have to hit me…" I mumbled. The streets, that were normally busy, were extremely quiet today. People didn't smile and vendors sold mostly Chantry related things such as statues of Andraste and other religious figures along with candles. Eren bought me one and we headed back to the castle, the second in command taking care of things today. Eren went to his room reminding me that he had to go to a vigil at the Temple with his family later tonight. I lit the candle in my rooms and prayed. The only person that I lost that was close to me was my uncle. He was a professional painter and our personalities were extremely similar. He promised to teach me everything he knew. He died.

After I prayed, I went to write again to Rael. It seemed that they went through another riot and the guard has been increasing their patrols around the Alienage. He told me it was a recipe for disaster and I agreed with him. I hid some coins in with the letter and put it away for when I went by the post office. I sighed and rested on my bed.

That was the only thing that I hated being here, I got so bored. I would usually put on a movie, watch anime, read manga, or play video games. There was nothing to do here. I got down with Oriana's letter the night before and turned in my report along with them to Bryce. I got up and changed into my servant clothes and went into the larder.

Nan was the first to notice me in there. She was resting while Awell and Thellan worked on the dinner. I shrugged.

"I'm bored, what can I do to help around?" I asked.

"You have nothing to do and you ask for more work?" Nan asked. I shrugged my shoulders again. She chuckled. "This is why I like you. Alright, start on deboning the chicken we have already cooked and get some of the herb butter in the larder." Nan explained. I nodded and went into the larder. As I was looking for it I noticed some of the flour bags moved and a small door on the floor. I got what I needed and came out to get the knife needed for deboning.

"Hey Nan, what's that small door on the floor? Is it your secret door of secrets?" I chuckled.

"It's the servants exit and entrance. It connects right outside the gates of Highever though its hidden enough the most won't be poking their heads in here." Thellan explained.

"Most of the servants don't stay in the castle proper. They usually go out and retire to their homes in the city. Only those that need to be on hand stay such as yourself have their rooms." Nan explained. "Now less talking and more prepping."

"Yes ma'am. " I nodded.

9:28 August 7th

I lied on the dirt of the practice grounds, staring at the few stray clouds in the sky while trying to catch my breath. Eren beat me for the fourth time that day. I coughed again and swallowed some blood from when his shield caught my face. I could already feel the swelling. The blood was pumping through my face as it heated up. I saw Eren's shadow cast over my face and he shook his head.

"Is that really all you have? What happened to your tenacity that you've been boasting about for the past few days?" Eren scoffed. I turned away, looking at the wooden sword that he disarmed earlier in the fight.

"It's just…today isn't really my day." I sighed. "I kinda just want to lay down for the rest of the day I guess."

"Too bad." Eren said, grabbing my arm and forcing me to stand. He grabbed the sword and put it back in my hand. My mind was too preoccupied to focus on the fight though. As he stood in front of me and got into position, all I could think about the fact that I've been here a year. A full year.

My son would have turned three. My daughter two. I would have been with my husband for four years. It hurt. It hurt so much my chest wrenched painfully. I bit my lip because I felt it starting to quiver.

"Oh no, don't you start crying now!" Eren yelled but I couldn't even see him from the sudden influx of tears in my eyes. Everything looked blurry until I breathed out and giant tears went down my cheeks. Eren growled while I wiped at my eyes. "I did not hit you that hard."

"It's not that you jerk!" I snapped.

"Then what!?" Eren shouted.

"I've been away from my family a whole frigging year!" I blubbered out before putting my face in my hands and sobbing loudly. Eren grabbed me and took me in a room that wasn't being used. "I miss them so much…" I whimpered. Eren scoffed and stood there while I sobbed.

"Hey." Eren said. I looked at him before he pushed me roughly.

"What the hell!?" I shouted. He rolled his eyes. That got me angrier. I really shouldn't cry in front of this prick. I left the room but Eren caught up and tripped me. I gasped before regaining my footing. Eren glared at me and my rage hit an all-time high. I growled before trying to hit him but my anger made me sloppy. Eren was able to evade my attacks. I kicked and I punched while Eren glared and evaded.

I crunched low and immediately did a low sweep. That caught him and he fell to the ground. I was going to kick him but he grabbed my leg and threw me on the ground. My breath hitched but I used the momentum to roll back up. He stood up as well and I tackled him. I went for a punch and he caught my hand. Then I tried doing it with the other fist and he grabbed that as well.

"You see what you can do now!" Eren growled, struggling to keep me away. "This is your strength and I am very sure that you have already planned on how you are going to go home!" That made me weaken my grip slightly. "I am not sure how long you'll be staying here with me but with your strength, you will meet your family again." Eren reassured me. "Crying in a corner doesn't suit you." Eren smirked. I was completely floored. This was Eren trying to comfort me. I did feel better getting angry and fighting him than crying alone in my room.

"Um am I interrupting something?" Jeffery asked, coming into the practice ring. Then I noticed what we were doing. I was sitting on Eren's chest with him holding my fists/hands. Eren immediately forced me off.

"Andraste's flames, you're heavy. Recruit! We were merely practicing grappling. There was nothing more to this than what you saw." Eren quickly recovered while I stood up, dusting off the dirt. Jeffery gave Eren a disbelieving look before going back to the barracks. Eren cleared his throat. "We will never speak of this again."

"…You really know how to cheer up a girl." I said sarcastically, rolling my eyes.

"I must confess, I have never had a relationship as long as this one." Eren looked away.

"I'm not sure if I should be surprised or feel sorry for you." I chuckled. Eren knocked me on the back of my head. "Hey!"

"Let's stop with this silly emotional play we're putting on and start practicing again." Eren grabbed the wooden swords and tossed me them.

"I thought we were going to-" I started.

"You earned it as punishment!" Eren branded his sword and shield.

"I can't tell if I hate you or if I'm beginning to like you." I glared. Eren smirked. Here we go again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have hit 300 reviews for my story back on Fanfiction, ah it makes me proud! I hope I get more and thank you everyone for also giving this story a chance here on Archive :)

**Author's Note:**

> Hello Archive of Our Own. This is not my first story as my main account is on Fanfiction. I am also listed as Lee Totema so don't worry, this is not a copycat. This is me so calm down guys. I got an invite from a friend and decide to transfer my story here just to see if any would like it. Please kudos and message? I don't know how things work here other than that but, either way, if anyone would like to leave a review, please do so.


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